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So Zeppelin just scared the living hell out of me.
I had put him in his terrarium after holding him for a bit. I didn't put the lid on and I have done this plenty of times. He never really cared. He just went and slept or drank water. I stopped holding him because Aaron was sick and his friend had told him bad news making him feel even worse. He didn't want to talk abut what his friend told him so, I was focusing on him being sick. Anyways though, this means I wasn't paying attention to Zeppelin, who decided to be an asshole and "escape". Little shit -.- So, I hadn't noticed this for about half an hour to an hour. I don't know when he got out. I had seen some things in the corner room fall but, there was something blocking my view of what was knocking things down. I just guessed it was Lucy because she's really small and clumsy. Actually, I think she saw Zeppelin and tried going after him (she's harmless so she only chased and sniffed him at most). I flipped my shit looking for him after ripping up his terrarium looking for him. My room is completely torn up right now and it's going feel like hell cleaning it up. Of course I found him in the hardest spot to get to. He had two small rubber hair bands on him (These: http://thumbs.ebaystatic.com/images/g/HiwAAOSwd4tT9DRL/s-l225.jpg).I took them off of him immediately. It looked uncomfortable but, not like it hurt him. I'm worried about if he ate a bug or something he shouldn't (sometimes I see spiders). I don't think he would, but I'm really worried about him. I'm probably just paranoid but, I nearly cried when I couldn't find him. I held him for a bit while I stopped whining, and then put him back. He's safe in his terrarium right now. I'm just so scared to find a lifeless snake in the morning. He's supposed to help me relax and feel better so, it's frustrating. I was starting to feel better and Zeppelin decided to add more stress. Now I can't give Zeppelin as much freedom as I did (which was already not much). Aka, I won't be able to hold him as much because I'm focusing on studying, writing and etc.
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I'm not feeling well. At all. I'm just really stressed where I want to be left alone and am very irritable. Aaron had just told me something which is actually what has me really stressed out. I don't really want to talk to anyone but, you (Lara), Cynthia, and my mentor (she's a friend but, I call her that because she's around Cynthia's age and has taught me many life lessons). Mainly because I know you guys help me. My friends help more in a way of distraction. I don't want to stress anyone out (especially Aaron since he doesn't seem to be feeling well) by not talking to them. But, I really just can't deal with anymore stress because it's just too much.
I'm not sure whether I want to say what. Fuck it. Aaron had asked me if I knew Binary Code. I didn't but, he insisted I learned. I kept asking why but he said it'd make sense later. So, I learned it (somewhat). He had first tested me by saying my name in Binary code - 010000100111001001101001 He then said that he liked me in binary code. Half of me thought "like like" and the other half thought he meant it as in a friendly way. He's done random things like that before. He's left "anonymous" notes saying, "I like apples." before. So, I chose my second guess. He said that wasn't it. I just really didn't want to say "Oh, do you LIKE me?" because, if not... Do you know how awkward that'd be? Very. Beyond. Horrifically. I just don't believe most people understand what love is and the spark to look for. But at the same time, I have the weird block when it comes to guys. To make the situation even harder, (as you know) I have a girlfriend. And then to add to the stress is my school situation. I'll just tell you that too but, I can't be specific. I can't take a class because it is very damaging to me emotionally and mentally and maybe even physically. I'm trying my best just to get out. The rules are so fucking stupid that I'll probably need to bring Cynthia in to get me out. Then I'm just stressed about things I always am. I kept trying to get Aaron to be more specific on what he meant. He wouldn't say. He kept going around the question or flat-out ignoring it. I made him promise to tell me in the morning. I said a certain time but, he had woken up really late. I wasn't really mad, at all. As long as he told me, I wouldn't care. Then at one point, Me : You still need to explain (he was off the topic I wanted to be on) Aaron : Hm? Me: Eh. The Binary Code thing. Aaron : Oh, that thingy... You sure you want to know? Me : Yes. His messages were slow as it was but it was hour later before I said, "Aaron?" Another hour or two later. Aaron : Idk what you're talking about. I sent a screenshot of our previous messages, Me : Yeah, you do. Another hour later, Aaron : Thingy OK. I just got pissed off even more. To the breakdown point. I'm just going to try my best to continue and calm the fuck down because I hate making you wait. My mom had just came in, took my wine (I always have it and don't drink inappropriate amounts. So, no worries), and nagged me about my pills. I take care of it but she's insisting, "But I have to take care of you." Cool, how about you start brushing my teeth for me. Whipping my goddamn ass. Like, if I can handle it, there's nothing for you to "take care of". Continuing... Me : I swear to god Aaron. Half an hour later, Aaron : Huh? What? You okay? Me : No, I have a headache. (I get headaches when I'm extreamly stressed. Still have one) Me : Please just tell me. Aaron : I was just poking around. Me : I don't believe you, but ok. Still no response after two hours. I'm usually laid back about people taking long to reply or whatever but, when I'm stressing about something, why the fuck are you soooo busy you can't send me three fucking words? I like to give people their space, but still. If I'm flipping my shit, why can't you take a few seconds for me? I know Aaron's been struggling the past few days so I'm doing my best to be patient (kinda failing, I know. I haven't went off on him so, give me that). And if he wasn't just poking around, he's probably stressing too, but handling it weird. Idk. *UPDATE* So, I'm no longer angry but, I do still just don't feel like talking to everyone. I'm better, though. Aaron, about 4-5 hours later he had apologized and said that his parents were back from Ireland. He had showed me the souvenirs they brought back. I decided to just let the binary thing go. I'm wondering whether I should just leave it alone or try to ask again. I had just slept because I was exhausted and didn't want to deal with anything. I'm calm now, and hopefully will stay calm. I have lots of notes to take and still need to work on writing. Soooo... Something just happened and I'm not sure whether it's good or not. I just want to confirm first that it was what I think... I will tomorrow. At the moment I'm trying to get my mind off it so I can sleep. This is probably just one of my failed attempts, haha.
So, I thought this was adorable...
I had finally let my dog meet Zeppelin. She's small and harmless. I might go ahead and show you my dog and cats. My dog was on my bed and I just put Zeppelin a few feet away from her. She waddled over and sniffed him. I picked him up and put him near this hideout thing I made from him when he isn't in his terrarium. I'll put pictures on the random page. She then just watched him and now is laying next to his his hideout (which she knows he's in). He doesn't really care and she seems to like him :3 Zeppelin is a chill snake and she's a curious and friendly dog. I also wanted you to tell me these words in Slovenian. Black - White - Grey - Brown - Red - Orange - Yellow - Green - Blue - Purple - Pink - Gold - Silver - Liquid - Substance - I plan to have each monster leave an unknown liquid of different colors. I had made my own monster before you started helping me out. I easily made that one but struggled to make any more. Here's some of the chapter where I describe it : "I was in my rather cold room, asleep. I woke up with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. All I heard at first was the breeze from outside and my own breathing. Once I noticed my heavy breathing, I did my best to stop. Small fast, but quiet, breaths. I started to notice breathing that wasn’t coming from me. I looked down at the floor to see long fingernails scratch my wooden bedroom floor. It left hideous, thin, jagged marks. But, it only left three lines, not five. I reach for my flashlight to hear it scurry away. I shined my light around my room, to see the light cutting through the darkness to reveal a creature I struggled to comprehend. Pale, purple tinted white skin, dirty, grey long hair, and eyes filled with only an amber color and pure loath. It’s purple bottom lip stretched, making whatever black liquid coming from it’s mouth, pour onto the floor. It didn’t have a nose, just two slits. It’s body hunched over like an ape. It looked underweight except for it’s belly, making it look like it was 5 months pregnant. I couldn’t scream, just look in terror. It started to come towards me on all fours. Almost how a baby would crawl. It was beyond disturbing. My breathing became heavier as I failed to yell for my parents. I just stuttered, failing to spit out the word, “Please”. It smiled at me. It’s mouth widening to touch it’s ears. It’s hand reached out, black liquid covering it, to grab my neck. At this point, I could finally scream. I saw my Mother run in and the light on. The creature was gone." I was thinking I'd call the story, "Liquid" or "Substance", but in your language. I also wanted to make the chapters the same color as the liquid left by the monster (also in your language). I will tell my teacher what language it is and translate it for him (incase he doesn't speak it). It'll be an easy way to bring up how you helped me. I'm not sure what colors they'll be yet so, I put all the ones I could think of. So, I finally noticed something that's been happening in all my dreams. I've been going on some type of road trip. I am never in the normal settings for my dreams. I looked it up and here's what it said -
"To dream that you are taking a road trip, is symbolic of your life’s journey. If the dream was generally positive, this suggests that you are headed in the right direction in your life. This dream can also suggest that you have a tendency to worry needlessly over situations that will work out fine in the end." Because I always get an eerie feeling from the dreams, it's probably the last one, "This dream can also suggest that you have a tendency to worry needlessly over situations that will work out fine in the end." So, with writing I have habit of knowing what I want my characters to be, but not knowing what story I'm telling about them. I was wondering if you could help me out by giving some ideas that could contribute to my writing. I need to find something where I actually know what I'm doing because need to have something for my English teacher to basically grade, give me some pointers, and tell me what I need to work on.
I want a story where it's told in one character's perspective putting the reader on their side but when the story is told in another character's perspective, you see that the original character isn't who she claims. Like, the first character is delusional. Maybe, a crazy spouse or friend..? Idk. I'm really struggling with this. So, I made a random page where it's just for posts like makeup, or the whole Chris Oflyng thing I wanted to talk about. I'm just going to leave my makeup posts here but will move my daydream post. I'll also put the post I said I'd make on there (the whole Chris Oflyng drama). Feel welcome to post any topics you want to talk about on there and/or make any edits you want :3
Btw, this is just a thought, but do you want to post about your daydreaming? Like, even just copy pasting what you put on the document you sent me? No need to, of course. Lately I haven't been able to sleep.
Well, whenever I try to sleep, I feel like I'm in danger or something is very wrong. Like it's just moments before something is going to happen. Obviously, it's not like my response to feeling unsafe is to sleep. I really don't know what to do. For three days, I haven't slept until my body has given up. I haven't had any caffeine or whatever. I can't get to it easily and, I don't think it's worth it. Plus, I know what I'm doing is wrong... I don't know why I feel in danger. I don't know how to handle it. I'm really scared. I've just been going in a downward spiral. I was at a friend's house today, and I fell asleep. Luckily she was sweet and let me rest. But, I woke up really sweaty. I don't know if it was a dream or not because I have no memory of a dream. I got the guts to tell Aaron, but just over text. He's my only friend who is really good with texting and knowing how to handle things like emotional issues. It went something like this - Me : I'm really tired but don't want to sleep. Aaron : Well then... Do what you'd like. He's use to me being tired but staying up anyways. But, not where it's actually a problem. Me : I haven't wanted to sleep for three days. The only time I do is when my body gives up. Aaron : That's not good Bri The way he said that, I could tell he was being serious with me. Me : Exactly... Aaron : Feeling any better? A few weeks ago, he caught on, so I admitted to him that I was feeling "sick" Me: Yeah. The thing from last night doesn't have to do with it. I just have this weird feeling like I'm in danger when I try to sleep. And I have no clue what it is... I'm use to knowing why I do things. So, when I don't, it freaks me out. Aaron : Well, I'm always here if you need me so, if something is wrong, feel free to shoot me a text. A bit later he asks, Aaron : You getting tired? Me : Nope. ...Well, I am. But, not tired enough that I'll go to bed. Aaron : Bri!!!! I thought he was joking around... Me : Aaron!!!! Aaron : Don't hurt yourself Me : What? Aaron : Don't hurt yourself by not sleeping. Me : I can't help it. Aaron hasn't responded or read the text. Lately, he's said his internet has been shit so, responses are slow. I'll update this when he responds. And the thing I mentioned about "what happened yesterday". I don't remember what he said and I don't want to go back and look because it makes me extreamly uncomfortable but, i started to freak out about, "You're testing me". It's hard to explain what happened. *UPDATE* Aaron responded a little while later. Aaron : Hey, I'm so sorry. Me : No problem Aaron : You okay? Me : Yup Aaron : Goodie. Me: Yuz. Aaron : I'm sleepy. You? Me : Not really. You going to bed? Aaron : I have to soon because of school but, if you need me, I'm here :) Aaron does homeschool so, that's why he still is "in school" Me : Alrighty :3 So... What are the negative effects of little sleep? Aaron : Uh. You really want me to go into detail? Me : If it might get me to sleep, yeah. -Aaron explains- Aaron : I use to do it a lot and it really sucks. After talking about that Aaron says he has to go to bed. Btw, I just wanted bring something up. It won't make sense if you don't watch (and like(ed)) Chris. So, I found out Chris Oflyng had faked a video just for views. So, because of how he's faked things or has been over-dramatic about things, I can't trust him. He's done things that brought up red flags but I always ignored them until now. It's just weird because I've always thought he was a really sweet person. The person who exposed him was actually one of my favorite youtube humans, Deefizzy. He was clearly quite pissed off too. If you watch Chris and keep up with that stuff, I just wanted to know your opinion on it. I can't finish this yet, I will tomorrow. So, I just can't be able to wrap up their story... I might send you their story if I ever get myself to finish writing it. For some reason, it just feels impossible. I will do my best to describe what they're like and why. All images I mention are at the bottom of the post With Nicki and Damon, it was like me making who I wish I was. I have taken some of their traits (or embraced them at least). Like their emotional strength. So, I'll start with their appearances. Damon's stands out most. Damon is caucasian, muscular (not because I find that body type attractive (I can honestly say, I have no preference as long as they're happy). It's because of his back story which I'll explain later), and his right eye is a green-blue. The left side of his iris starts out green and blends into the right side of his iris which is blue. His left eye is a red-purple. The outer part of his iris is a dark red which blends into the inner part of the iris which is purple. I made an example. I was in a hurry so, I know it's really sloppy, it was just to give you a better image incase the description confused you. The green-blue eye isn't that badly done though, but the purple-red one didn't turn out how I wanted. But, it should give you an idea of what I meant. Damon dyes his hair many colors but it's naturally black (sometimes I make it dirty blonde, though x3 ). He usually has hairstyles like these examples- (https://barbarianstyle.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/A-quiff-hairstyle-for-men.jpg Or http://male-hair.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/mens-quiff-hairstyle-for-2016.jpg) He has always been tall but ends up being 6'4 (six feet four inches). One of damon's ears are also elf-like. I put an example image. Damon also has an eyebrow, lip, and nose piercing (spider bite lip piercing). Nicki is also caucasian, but anorexic for a while but in her later teens gets to a healthy weight. Her hair is dirty blond to a light brown hair. She dyes her hair sometimes but, not often. Her height goes from short to tall but in the end it's 5'11. Her eyes are a blue-brown like shown below. He hair is like this : http://www.herinterest.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Top_100_Long_Layered_Hairstyles_058.jpg. But longer... And yes, that's Demi Lovato. Nicki also has a nose, tongue, and lip piercing (angel bite lip piercing).
Now a bit on their back stories. I put a picture showing their families. Nicki's last name is Hart and Damon's is Lush. I put them in age order too, Since I put that, I'm going to stop clarifying how someone is connected to another (like saying sister, mom, etc). Btw, I know their stories are similar and not too realistic... I created this more when I was younger and when I was very depressed. The town : It's small. There is a hill that Damon and Nicki's families live on. If they go down one side of the hill, it takes them to a nice part of the town. Which, really is just known as the town because the other side is a wreck. Damon : Linda's mom died of illness when she was young. So, her aunt took her in. Her aunt also had a daughter (her cousin) Jenna who is the opposite of her. She basically has this anger towards Jenna. At one point she runs away with a man who leaves her with her daughter Courtney. They introduced Irene as her mom and Linda as her sister. When Courtney finds out that Linda is actually her mom, she is very angry. Linda, again, runs off leaving Irene with Courtney. She ends up having twin boys but, comes back with them very sick asking for help. The father of the twin boys is Linda's boyfriend who uses her but, Linda has it in her head that they're meant to be. She always goes back to him no matter what he does to her. This time, they raise the kids with them knowing Linda is their mom. But, they don't call Linda "Mom", or George "Grandpa" or etc. They always call them by their first names no matter how many times they're corrected. Courtney is a year older than Grayson and Miles. Until they're three or older, Irene and George take care of them. Yet again, Linda comes to her parents pregnant four years after Grayson and Miles. Pregnant with twins, again. When they're born people always treat them special. The twins had different colored eyes and one twin an elf-like ear. This immediately makes her have hatred for the boys, especially Damon. Linda abandons Damon and Liam but takes Grayson, Miles, and Courtney. Linda would never allow Jenna around her kids, but when she left, Irene invited Jenna to see the twins. Jenna ends up playing the role of their mom. They call her mom but she always corrects them that it's "Auntie". When the boys are six, Linda comes back drunk. When she sees that Jenna was with the boys she freaked out and demanded she get her kids back. She gets the boys at one point and continuously moves to keep Jenna or Irene from trying to take the children back. She's very abusive as she's always either high or drunk. She does whatever she can do to ignore her issues. Damon and Liam are also pushed around at school because they're vulnerable to being abused. The small town knows something is wrong but does their best to pretend things are okay. Damon gets use to it and just is strong for the sake of his siblings. Liam goes numb to it. Grayson and Miles are always "busy" but help with getting money and training their siblings (mostly Damon and somewhat Liam) to fight. Once Liam, Damon, Alexa and Ellie get use to it, Courtney, Grayson, and Miles all practically seem to disappear. Courtney is doing her own thing, meanwhile Miles and Grayson stick together. (it does continue but, I'm going to go to Nicki and then back to Damon. It'll make sense later) Nicki : Nicki's mom also had her when she was young but, not as young as Linda. Jonathan and Nicki are five years apart. Jonathan is taken care of by his grandparents and somewhat by Miranda until he was eight (so, Nicki was three). Miranda got stressed and took the kids to the man who impregnated her. She left them with him and lied to her parents that she had them well taken care of. The parents didn't find out the truth until it was too late. Nicki doesn't really remember Miranda or even what things were like. Jonathan remembers it better than anything so, he can always tell her in great detail. Their dad is abusive when he's drunk but what he does that is their main worry is, he will let his friends do what they wish for money. Jonathan has always been able to protect Nicki from them but, he's struggled to always keep himself safe too.. At one point, Jonathan was practically sold. He knew about it and that he wasn't going to escape it. He couldn't promise he would at least. He told his best friend, Grayson, about it. Grayson was a year younger than him but, he felt like he could trust Grayson. Even though others were afraid of Grayson and Miles, he knew that they were people to trust. He asks if Grayson and Miles can look after Nicki but, they say they're too busy to make sure nothing happens to her like Jonathan can. Miles mentions that Damon has always been good at protecting their younger siblings. When Damon agrees to try his best to protect Nicki, after a few weeks, Jonathan is gone. Taken. Nicki isn't used to Damon and almost hates him for thinking he could replace Jonathan. After a while, she realizes all that Damon has done and that he truly just wants to help her. Damon : They're saved. Liam earns enough money for a camera. It's always been Liam's wish to expose Linda. He records their abuse and uploads it. Long story short, they're taken from Linda. Damon is in the hospital getting his far too long ignored injuries treated. Before Jenna can, Damon is adopted by a man named Dustin. Dustin has three roommates, Jay, Lance, and Chris. Jenna talks with them and they end up deciding that Jenna would have custody of Damon's other siblings and Dustin would have custody of Damon. The kids would be free to visit any house and they actually live in the nice side of town and near each other. Damon, his siblings and Nicki are put in a good school and are very well taken care of. Btw, when Nicki is in her twenties, Jonathan and her a reunited. Jonathan escaped and after he got taken care of, he later was able to contact Nicki. So, I'm super excited because my friend's family is going to a wedding. Basically, I will be doing her and her sister's makeup tomorrow! :) For some reason I'm super excited. Well, probably because,
1. Trying to get my friends to let me do their makeup is equivalent to trying to do a jock's makeup. It doesn't work unless you have some serious persuasion skills or they're in a good mood. 2. I love doing makeup :D So yeah. I thought that was cool. I might as well give her a name, since she's my best friend an all. I'll call her Jackie. She's my friend who'll watch horror movies with me, let me curse, defend me, and is just fucking awesome. She also is the one who thought Aaron and I were dating or whatever. And she's the one I was mad at for some stupid reason (not anymore, obviously). My other best friend, we'll call Emily. I don't talk about her much but, I might once school starts up. She's very loyal, helpful and kinda nerdy/geeky (which is a good thing in my mind). We're videogame buddies, haha. I have never fought with either of them which is a good sign. Usually friends I fight with don't stay for long. I'm picky with who I call my best friend so, I'm just happy I have two, haha. |