Lately I haven't been able to sleep.
Well, whenever I try to sleep, I feel like I'm in danger or something is very wrong. Like it's just moments before something is going to happen. Obviously, it's not like my response to feeling unsafe is to sleep. I really don't know what to do. For three days, I haven't slept until my body has given up. I haven't had any caffeine or whatever. I can't get to it easily and, I don't think it's worth it. Plus, I know what I'm doing is wrong... I don't know why I feel in danger. I don't know how to handle it. I'm really scared. I've just been going in a downward spiral.
I was at a friend's house today, and I fell asleep. Luckily she was sweet and let me rest. But, I woke up really sweaty. I don't know if it was a dream or not because I have no memory of a dream.
I got the guts to tell Aaron, but just over text. He's my only friend who is really good with texting and knowing how to handle things like emotional issues. It went something like this -
Me : I'm really tired but don't want to sleep.
Aaron : Well then... Do what you'd like.
He's use to me being tired but staying up anyways. But, not where it's actually a problem.
Me : I haven't wanted to sleep for three days. The only time I do is when my body gives up.
Aaron : That's not good Bri
The way he said that, I could tell he was being serious with me.
Me : Exactly...
Aaron : Feeling any better?
A few weeks ago, he caught on, so I admitted to him that I was feeling "sick"
Me: Yeah. The thing from last night doesn't have to do with it. I just have this weird feeling like I'm in danger when I try to sleep. And I have no clue what it is... I'm use to knowing why I do things. So, when I don't, it freaks me out.
Aaron : Well, I'm always here if you need me so, if something is wrong, feel free to shoot me a text.
A bit later he asks,
Aaron : You getting tired?
Me : Nope. ...Well, I am. But, not tired enough that I'll go to bed.
Aaron : Bri!!!!
I thought he was joking around...
Me : Aaron!!!!
Aaron : Don't hurt yourself
Me : What?
Aaron : Don't hurt yourself by not sleeping.
Me : I can't help it.
Aaron hasn't responded or read the text. Lately, he's said his internet has been shit so, responses are slow. I'll update this when he responds.
And the thing I mentioned about "what happened yesterday". I don't remember what he said and I don't want to go back and look because it makes me extreamly uncomfortable but, i started to freak out about, "You're testing me". It's hard to explain what happened.
Aaron responded a little while later.
Aaron : Hey, I'm so sorry.
Me : No problem
Aaron : You okay?
Me : Yup
Aaron : Goodie.
Aaron : I'm sleepy. You?
Me : Not really. You going to bed?
Aaron : I have to soon because of school but, if you need me, I'm here :)
Aaron does homeschool so, that's why he still is "in school"
Me : Alrighty :3 So... What are the negative effects of little sleep?
Aaron : Uh. You really want me to go into detail?
Me : If it might get me to sleep, yeah.
Aaron : I use to do it a lot and it really sucks.
After talking about that Aaron says he has to go to bed.
Btw, I just wanted bring something up. It won't make sense if you don't watch (and like(ed)) Chris. So, I found out Chris Oflyng had faked a video just for views. So, because of how he's faked things or has been over-dramatic about things, I can't trust him. He's done things that brought up red flags but I always ignored them until now. It's just weird because I've always thought he was a really sweet person. The person who exposed him was actually one of my favorite youtube humans, Deefizzy. He was clearly quite pissed off too. If you watch Chris and keep up with that stuff, I just wanted to know your opinion on it.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."