So as I have mentioned before my birthday is coming up but I really don't feel like celebrating. When I was 18 I had a party where I invited some of my friends but I invited them all at once and they ended up being in groups hating on each other. So last year I decided to keep them apart so I asked them out on different terms. it went a bit better but it didn't really feel like I'm celebrating at all. I just felt like we simply went out and from time to time I got a bit special attention because someone remembered we're ''celebrating a birthday''. but this year I'm turning 20 and I decided last year I was going to bring everyone together again but do it in a bigger place so they wouldn't have to ''hate'' on each other but could simply avoid people they don't like (when I was 18 we did it in Mia's house). But now I cant do it from many reasons. 1st I cant move around much and I wouldn't be able to prepare anything myself 2nd I wouldn't even have enough energy to actually be at the party for long probably and 3rd I'm broke and I don't want to put anything more on my parents since they're already struggling with money.
so yeah I just decided I'm gonna invite everyone for a coffee. to tell you the truth I really do wander what Mia and others will get me for birthday. they'll probably buy something together. I know they will get me something. I wouldn't mind if they didn't but I know they will so I wonder what it's gonna be. & don't get me wrong.. it's not about the present or how much they spent on it or anything like that.. I wonder if they're going to try and get me something I like or they're going to just buy the first thing that comes under their hands so they can be done with it. I don't know why but this seems really important to me. I wouldn't mind if they all together bought me one bag of candy for 50 cents .. the important thing would be if I like those candy or not.
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.