Lara's Blog Page
So.. I'm home. I went to the hospital but they sent me home because my wounds from the operation are not healed enough yet and chemo therapy would make it even worse. So I'm going back on Tuesday. Yesterday.. well.. I was really fucked up because I knew I'm going to the hospital today. I was at a party I didn't really wanna go to because I knew I will feel bad. but Maya convinced me to go so I dragged Mia and her boyfriend with me. At first I was having a great time but then best friend of a guy I kind of had something with came. I meat that guy with my previous friends (the ones I wrote a whole story about haha but I still get along with him) And I've only seen her like 2 times for about 5 minutes. I didn't even know she knows anyone from there (but apparently she knew the host aka the guy that was supposed to help me with my guitar) . She didn't recognise me though. I probably wouldn't recognise her either if she wouldn't have THAT name. her name stands out. + I had hair when we last saw each other. well the point is that when I saw her I felt like I HAVE to have fun and that she has to see I'm having fun. I did have fun until that happened but when I started to feel like I have to have fun I didn't have fun anymore (hahahaha I used the words ''have fun'' so many times it's actually fun now hahahaha) and then I got really tired and even more annoyed by everything so I was just sitting there. Mia and her Boyfriend were in a bad mood too but it had nothing to do with the party. So they weren't really helpful. And then I just said to Mia if we're going home (3 hours early) they both were up to it. but before we went I found time to snap at Maya and Tiana. I know it was my fault and I will apologise to them today when I see them. They were helpful the most. they tried to include me in the game of bear pong and we had our regular jokes and all but something made me snap at them. I never did that before. I'm usually calm and if something's wrong I don't just snap at people. but this time I did. and the 3 of us were alone in a room and when I snapped they just stood there still and quiet, didn't know what to say and then I just left and went outside where the others were. I sat on the bench behind the table (Mia and her boyfriend were still saying goodbye to people) and Maya and Tiana came after me and sat on the other side of it and Maya started to apologise for things she shouldn't even apologise for. Like for the fact that she left me alone wen she went inside to check on pizzas that were in the oven. And Tiana was just sitting there sad not knowing what she did wrong but judging from the expression on her face she probably felt really bad about it. I calmed myself down by then so I kind of knew that what I did was wrong but I stayed quiet and it probably looked like I was really angry at them. but I was quiet only because I'd start crying if I said anything. and then we left. so yeah.. I probably ruined Maya's and Tiana's night too and I feel really bad about it. and all that just because I was nervous about my chemo today -.-''
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.