there's so many stuff happening but I don't know how to explain half of them. So let's start with the last post. In last post I said I feel betrayed. I figured out why. so.. for past year and a half everything I did Mia was there with me. But for past few months she hasn't been. And also whenever we did go anywhere she started to talk about how everyone's doing something wrong.. like something to hurt me or her. so I started to doubt everyone + my best friend was gone. Today we had a big fight and I actually thought that this was it and that we're not gonna be friends anymore. She started to go on how I hang out with Maya and Tiana now and then she started to tell me how they did things that hurt her (things that I found totally lame btw..) but I told her that what they do is not my business and then she started to talk about how I told her to brake up with her boyfriend. But I never did that. I told her I never did that and that I did my best to start to like him. I never told her to brake up with him but I did say I would if I were her. that's my opinion. And I did probably tell her to brake up with him as a joke. I always say stuff like that to everyone when something stupid happens.. like if one person in the relationship brakes something and the other one is mad I'd say ''you should totally brake up with him/her'' so they'd see how dumb the argument is. But I never would tell anyone to brake up with someone because it is not my business who they're dating and I sure as hell don't want to be responsible for anyone's breakup. Then she started to go on about my health and how I don't take care of myself as I should and that she doesn't want to watch me ruin myself. I told her we see my health from 2 totally different perspectives. and I asked her if I go to the doctor and ask him if it's OK if I do stuff she thinks are wrong and she said it wont help. So that's where I almost gave up and just thought she doesn't even want to fix out problem. So I wrote her that I can see she doesn't really care for our friendship. She responded that if she wouldn't care she wouldn't be telling me all this. She'd just stop talking to me. so I asked her if she can come up with any solution to save our friendship and she just said we should get high and talk about it. after more then an hour of fighting that sounded like the best solution for now so I agreed. I'm going to her house on Friday and I'm going to sleep over so we can see if there's anything we can do to fix our friendship.
As I told you Maya and Tiana had a birthday party last weekend. I had an awesome time.But the best part is that I met Maya's schoolmate. He's not exactly the nicest person you can meet. he can be really rude. But he kind of reminded me how strong I can actually be and it made me even stronger. He admired how confidante I am (..well.. look ahah) even though I have cancer and have no hair and everything. He told me he knew a guy who got cancer and killed himself in the middle of the treatment. But I think what made it so special is that he didn't really care if he offended anyone. but he was really careful about what he said to me. And he got me to promise that when I'm done with therapies we'll go celebrate together. And his best friend and girlfriend are awesome too so I cant wait to go out with them again :3 he kind of filled me with positive energy.
yesterday was Halloween. I went to the capital with Maya and Tiana. They both got drunk af. Tiana told me she's still in love with Maya and some other stuff. And how she'd end up alone without Maya. there wasn't much I could say to her because she had a point. They have same friends and they even live in the same street. I told her she has many friends in school but she said they're always quiet. so yeah.. that's basically what got me thinking about what I wrote to you yesterday. But before they got so drunk we had a great time. I even saw a friend I didn't see in a long long time. I sent him a text that I'm in Ljubljana and if he want's to join us and first he said he cant because he's still at work and then he said if I could tell him who I am because he has new pone and doesn't have my number in it. And when I told him it's me he said he'll come after he finishes with work. It was nice to see him after a long time. but he had to leave because he had to go to work in the morning. he left at about 2 at night and like 15 minutes after that Tiana got so drunk she didn't know where she was and half an hour after that Maya got drunk too. So it's a good thing you don't drink that much haha. it's way more fun if you know how to walk and don't throw up every half an hour haha x)
next weekend Lucy and Audrey are throwing a mini party for their birthdays. They're throwing it at my place at the sea side so this should be interesting.. there'll be 9 people in a mini ''house'' for max 6 people. I have no idea how we're going to sleep. so wish me luck haha
I think that's all I had to say.. I feel like I'm forgetting something but I cant remember what. well if I remember I'll update it later.
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.