Lara's Blog Page
As you know I'm at the sea side. I feel like a totally different person here. I love to walk by the sea, I love the climate I love that I can be alone. I'm calmer here and have more will to live. It's beautiful. I'll post some pictures when I get some.
Here I have time to think without anyone asking me what's wrong. I started to work on school things. I have to do a paper for psychology. It's a research paper. I have a 100 pages of titles and I had to choose one title to write about. I picked a few titles but I think I'm gonna be writing about dreams. I want to write about MD. but I'm not sure which title to pick. I have to pick the right title to be able to connect regular dreams with MD. here are the titles:
Dnevno sanjarjenje - primerjava med spoloma --> Day dreaming - comparison between genders
I sent an e-mail to my professor if I have to use the whole title or if I can write only about a part of it. I like the Day dreaming. It would be easy to connect to MD. But I have no interest in comparison between genders part.
Nič ni boljšega kot naše sanje --> Nothing is better then our dreams
Sanje in njihov vpliv na človeka --> Dreams and it's influence on the person.
I came here 2 days ago with 4 friends. Lucy, Lisa, Audrey and.. let's call him Jack. They left yesterday because they had to go to college today. But I'm so used to spending time with Maya and those guys that everything they did made me mad. I was irritated the whole time they were here. When we were on our way here no one helped with the road. Lucy was driving but she didn't know the road, it was dark and raining. I was telling her where to go but Audrey and Jack were so loud she barely heard me when I told her where to go. And Lisa was trying to get my attention to talk about random stuff. When we were almost at my place we had to go to the super market to get some things to eat and drink. I asked them to which supermarket they want to go and at first no one responded. They all kept talking about random stuff that we could talk about later. now we had to decide where to go so I could tell Lucy which road she should turn to. So I started to talk really loud and with annoyed voice. and they all responded at the same time and the all wanted a different thing. No one listened to anyone but themselves. That's when I lost it and just yelled at them all to shut the fuck up. And then I felt like I was in kindergarten because I had to call one by one and tell them to tell me where they want to go. That's when I first thought about how I miss my other friends because I knew that if I was with them right now I'd be perfectly calm and we'd be taking terns on who would be talking. we wouldn't scream one over the other. when we arrived at my place they all threw what they were carrying, set down and started talking one over the other again. I couldn't leave things laying around so I started carrying them in the kitchen. I wasn't even done and they all wanted something and again they all talked at the same time about different stuff. I guess it was because they didn't actually want to go through my stuff. If someone needed something I told them where it is and to get it. But they all called me anyway because they didn't find it. If I was with other friends they wouldn't hesitate to turn my closed upside down and they'd find it themselves. I know it's not something everyone would do but that's what I'm used to and I got irritated because they were acting differently. I don't think they were doing anything wrong. They were just doing it differently. That's why I said it's not good I'm so attached to Mia, Maya and everyone from there. I don't know how to behave with others. And I was thinking.. You said if you told your friends about me they'd ask questions. And mine didn't. then I thought what would happen if I told Lisa, Lucy and Audrey about you. And I think they'd ask questions too. I thought about what's different. It has everything to do with how the relationship is built. With Mia, Maya, Tiana, Nia and everyone from there it's that we hang out all the time. we know each others routines and we think alike. But we never bud in each other private lives if they don't start to talk about it themselves. If I'd start telling them who you are and stuff about you they'd listen and start to ask questions. But I just told them I know you because it went with what we were talking about and it wasn't really personal. It was just a talk about a bunny. So they didn't ask questions about you. But with Lucy, Lisa and Audrey it's different. Our relationship is more personal. we don't see each other so often but when we do it's all about personal stuff. well.. they talk I usually just listen. But I don't think they noticed that. So they wouldn't hesitate to ask me personal questions. with them a talk about bunny would fast turn into a talk about how can I even be sure you're who you say you are. I wouldn't start explaining that. or anything like that. But I know they'd ask.
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.