Lara's Blog Page
Past few days I haven't been feeling that good. I don't know exactly why but I can assume it's because of the holidays. No one really cares for them and them I'm here all hyped about them. I wish others would care about them at least a bit more. Now they just think I'm weird because I look forward to New year and because I was so ''happy'' on Christmas and liked the decorations and everything. I'm at the seaside alone tonight. My mom was here with me but she left today and tomorrow my friends are coming. I came here because I can usually focus here better and study and I usually feel better here. but I just feel the same. The closest I came to studying was when I oppened the book and after 10 minutes figgured I don't even know what I read. I just can't focous. The ''big test'' is in a month and there's still so much I have to do. I was thinking about rescheduleing it but I don't think it's even possible. I was freaking out yesterday so a friend and my mom calmed me down a bit. But I really don't think I can do this. I never noticed.. or at least I never admided this to myself but I'm reeally afraid of failiur. The worst that could happen is that I'd fail this test and would have to take it again (I can take it 3 times and then have to pay for it- I think-...) And also for the guitar and singing.. I wanted to take singing lessons like.. since I can remember. But I never asked for them because I was afraid they'd think I'm bad at singing (same for the guitar). And as it turnes out I'm not even that bad. Remember when I told you Nia was impressed by my singing when I was at her place and we decided we'd meet to play the guitar and sing? Well we did. She helped me with the guitar. We didn't get to the singing part yet but she helped me to learn how to play the song ''Nothing Else Matters'' by Metallica. And she said it took her months to learn that song + she had an actual guitar teacher there to help her. I learned almost all of it in about 2 hours (still have to learn the solo part because we ren out of time for that. Aaand I can't transition between chords totally smoothly yet but I'm getting there)
So yeah.. I thought that when cancer is gone I'd feel way better but I feel as shitty as ever haha
There is one good thing though.. I'm getting another guitar in few days. A friend is gonna give it to me for 20€. Guitars are usually 300€ or more but she said she's not using it and it's a shame that it only colects dust at her place so she's gonna sell it to me for 20€. I'm gonna have the one that I already have at home and the other one that I get in about a week at the seaside so I don't have to carry thisone up and down all the time. The one I'm getting is dark brown but I'd like to draw something on it like my aunt did on thisone. Any ideas what?
A weird question... I know you're uncomfortable with that kind of stuff so don't answer it if you don't feel like it. :3
Do you remember your first crush? And if you do.. do you ever think about him/her? I haven't seen him in person for about 2 years I think. But lately I've been thinking about him a lot. I don't think I'd want to be with him anymore but I feel like getting his approval is still like.. the best thing. He's Lucy's best friend so whenever I see her she mentions him + we're friends on all of my social media so it's kind of heard not to think about him here and there. But lately I'd just find myself wandering like.. ''would he be impressed by who I am now or would he just be like.. nahh'' And I'm also wandering if all those thoughts are here now because chemotherapy is over and I'm ''getting'' the hormones back to were they were haha. I'm reeeally not looking forward to my first period after a year.
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.