From some reason I can't post from my phone. I can write everything but when I post it everything I wrote deletes. My charger for computer died and my battery is already very low so I probably wont be posting anything until I get out of the hospital. but I can comment from my phone. I hope I get out on Friday. on Sunday it's my birthday. I don't want a party or anything but I really don't want to be in a hospital that day. Mentally I'm quite fine now. I can't eat normally because the food reminds me on times when I'm on Chemo therapy. the first day I got here I ate some lunch and was feeling sick because of it the whole day. first 2 days when I came I had.. some kind of attacks from time to time... I was afraid of being alone I think. The worst were mornings. I felt like I was never going to leave the hospital. and I couldn't move at all then. or well it's not that I couldn't but I wasn't allowed to (because of the operation). I think I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to take care of myself and I wouldn't have anyone to take care of me. that's not the case of course. there's always someone to ask me if I need anything. and I was in a room with a woman that was really motherly to me. even though I had nurses checking on me all the time she helped me a lot too. but she went home yesterday. And when visitors were allowed my mom and a lot of people came to see me (they still do come). I'm able to move now a bit more. I still can't get up on my own though but I feel much better. sometimes in the mornings I feel a bit down but I remember that soon my friends and family will come to visit me and I feel better. there's not much to do here and I couldn't really sleep until today because I couldn't even move on my side so I had to sleep on my back. but yeah.. things are getting better I can turn on my side from today. and I got some things that I can do for where I used to work. they need some pictures sorted out and well.. some things that I can do so I have something to do now and time will pass faster.
And about how the operation went.. it went better then I expected. I was told I wasn't going to be able to move or feel my right leg below my knee. they did move some nerves (that are not so important) from my left leg to my right one and said I can hope it will work and that it's going to show in about 2 years when the nerves grow together. but I can already feel some things. so that's awesome. (not move just feel. but it's more then I expected). I stood up 3 times with a doctor. I did it a few times on my own.. I wasn't supposed to but I didn't go anywhere. just stood up to wash my teeth and hands. so yeah.. I in few days I should be able to walk with crutches :)
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.