(I know. My title ideas are awesome. haha)
1. GOODBYE ANA
Ana is her real name. It felt right to put her real name in. I think I've mentioned to you once how I was in a hospital and I shared a room with one girl and the water started running on it's own. The girl I was with was Ana. That time she looked at me and was like ''do you believe in ghosts?'' I told her I do and she said the same. When I was in a hospital this time her parents told me she's in a really bad condition now. Her tumour has grown and it cut off her brain and she couldn't breathe because of it. So now she's not in our section anymore. she's on intense care section and she's not responding to anything. a part of her brain is still working and her heart is still beating but well she's not moving at all. The doctors said her heart could go on for few years but most of her brain is disconnected. But they said that when all of the brain cuts off they can put her out of her misery if her parents are up to it. Fortunately they are.
When we were in a room together she (or the doctors) still was't sure what was happening to her. that was in June. And actually no one knows exactly what happened to her even now. If it was cancer it was a sort no one has ewer seen. Other in out tumours we have.. well I'm not sure what but not blood. Her tumour is full of blood. So they're not even sure if it is cancer. Few months ago she was talking about how happy she is because she was going to her first.. prom kind of thingy. And she was a ballerina and she had a dance competition coming up. I was calming her down saying that she's not even sure if it's cancer and not to panic. Now I wish it was cancer. That way she'd at least have a chance against it. And she was crying because they had to put that thingy for infusion in her arm. That time I had no idea what to say to her because I knew that there are many things way WAY more painful than that coming her way. But I didn't even think it would all end up like that.
2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEA
Lea is also her real name. About 2 years ago cancer took her and today would be her birthday. I newer knew her but she helped me when I got diagnosed with cancer. She's been dead for more then a year when I got diagnosed with cancer but when I wrote to teen d. that I got cancer her friend contacted me. Her internet name is Grace. And she was the only one I actually talked about what's happening with me then. Remember how you forgot I had cancer? That was because I never talked about it. not even on the ''blog''. I only talked to her about it. I had a feeling like I'm on my own and she convinced me to let others help me. And she kind of guided me through the start. All because of Lea. I wish I could say thank you to her.
3. MAYA AND TIANA DRAMA
Today was the first time we talked since we had that fight. They lost a lot of my trust and they'll probably never get it beck but I had a great time when I was with them so that counts a bit. we're going to the movies tomorrow.
4. MY THOUGHTS
Do you ever wander what people would think if they could hear your thoughts (like the regular thoughts not the daydreams). Sometimes I'm so lazy I actually wish they could hear me think so I wouldn't have to talk hahk
5.ADDICTIVE OR ADDICTING
I'm confused. How do I know when to use in a sentence.. ''this is addictive'' or when is it ''this is addicting''?
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.