Lara's Blog Page
Ok so.. That's really it. I'm home and up from my last chemo therapy and it's time to get a move on with my life. For some reason, I feel really positive today and I really really hope it stays that way.
Let me just start at the beginning of the end haha
It was the first day of my last chemo therapy. Everyone was so ''happy for me'' and they were all saying ''it's over'' and stuff like that but I just got really annoyed by that. It was not over jet for me. 3 days of therapy & after that 3 or more days of trying not to faint every time I get up for 3 seconds was still waiting for me. So I was nervous and didn't really want to talk to anyone but I calmed down when I was in the hospital and st. Nicolas was visiting the kids at the hospital so they made a show with some band in our section. It wasn't something I'd usually enjoy but it did made me loosen up this time.
And I was going to tell you how it was during the chemo therapy but I'm getting sick just thinking about it so I'm gonna jump over that. If you want to know ask me in a month haha I should feel better about thinking about that then (wou that was a complicated sentence hahahha was it even correct? x) )
*JUMPING OVER HALF OF THURSDAY
JUMPING OVER WHOLE FRIDAY
AND JUMPING OVER HALF OF SATURDAY*
THE OTHER HALF OF SATURDAY:
So my last chemo therapy was over and everyone was asking me questions that I would probably ask too if I were them but those questions sounded like the dumbest questions to me at that time. They were all asking how I feel because it's over and stuff like that but I still didn't feel like it's over jet. So it was basically Thursday all over again
I still couldn't move and I was getting sick of the television and youtube but there was nothing else I was capable of doing. So the day dragged but again.. I got annoyed with anyone who tried to contact me or congratulate me but this time I was somehow at the same time also annoyed when no one did try to do that. Like.. I wanted the attention but at the same time I didn't want them all assuming that it's over.
That day I also got some visitors. Mia, her mom, and our grandma came. Grandma brought me a beautiful flower and a chocolate for finishing my last chemotherapy and they all came to say hi to me (I was in my room) but then grandma and my aunt (Mia's mom) left and Mia stayed with me in my room. And she told me that she came to visit me in the hospital with Nia. I knew that they were there but I had no idea what was happening when they were x) I was on so many medications I thought they just dropped by for like 5 minutes and then left. But she told me they were there for more then an hour, that she showed me her new tattoo, that she was playing Pokemon go on my phone and caught me a rare Pokemon, that I was talking to them the whole time, that a cleaning lady came in the room while they were there and she turned on the lights (I always had the lights off and the curtains down. I was sensitive to the light because of the medication) So the cleaning lady turned the lights on and the girl I shared a room with was playing cards with her grandma and her grandma couldn't see the cards before because the room was so dark and she was really happy because now she could see the cards and I just went like ''what the hell is wrong with the lights?!?" So Mia immediately turned them off. I have exactly no memory of the grandma even being there. I do remember though the next day that the grandma came to visit that girl I was in a room with because I was just finishing the chemotherapy and was off of the medication by then and she was like really friendly to me. After mia told me about the grandma and the light I figured that she was so friendly to me because she already knew me haha x) I still feel really bad for making Mia turn those lights off so the grandma couldn't see. But really... I don't even remember Mia showing me her new tattoo. And it's her first tattoo that she's been talking about for years. I think I should remember that hahaha but I only remember like an image when Nia was sitting besides my bed and Mia was standing beside it.
I felt a bit better but my everything still hurt and I still felt dizzy when I tried to walk. The day went normal but in the evening I overheard my parents talking. I'm not even sure if they were talking about me but I think that they were. My dad said that I should start doing some stuff. Like.. I couldn't get up yet to get myself anything to eat or drink so I had to ask someone to bring me something (as I mentioned I still wasn't sure if I'm gonna make it back to the bed without fainting) and he was saying I should go do stuff. My mom got really angry on him for saying this but the next day she told me to clean my room. Like.. are you kidding me? For a year you got mad at me if I tried to pick up a pencil that I dropped. It didn't matter how far from chemotherapy I was-I had chemotherapy every 3 weeks so 2 of those 3 weeks I was pretty ok. I didn't feel perfect but I was more then capable taking care of myself. But they didn't let me. And now, because it was the last one I'm supposed to dance around after 3 days? Guess what.. it doesn't freaking work that way. So yeah... I just told her I will do it when I will be ready to and she accepted it.
I was resting te whole day but my dizziness was going away slowly.
I finally got up. It was for a short time but I did.
And then every day it got better. But this time it's not gonna get back worse because I'm done with my chemotherapy ^_^ I get the final results in the beginning of January though. I know it's still not totally over. I still have physiotherapy to get my leg working as is should and I will have doctors from time to time so they see how I'm doing but the chemotherapies are over.
So yeah I'm really happy because I can finally get a move on with my life. Past year I've been going in surcles. 3 days of chemotherapy, 2 weeks of recovering and when on the end of those 2 weeks I was almost fine.. here comes the therapy again -.-'' Anything I did it felt temporary. And now I can finally start working on my future again. In 4 days I have that job interview I told you about and I really, really, really, really, really hope I get the job!
I'm stuck with the Psychology research. I picked one title about the dreams but I have no idea what to write about. So I need to find another title to work on because that won't work :/
English: Last time I had English you know what happened. But working on Liquid really helped. I don't want to work on Liquid until you find time to edit it and tell me exactly what you think. You've told me you like it but I'm sure there are things you'd like to change and add so I'm gonna wait :3
But I did really enjoy working on Liquid so while you're busy I'm working on my daydream story. The one that I wrote a while ago. It's written terribly so I'm rewriting it and it's not finished jet so I'm gonna try to finish it. But it's definitely gonna take a while x) so when we're done with Liquid I thought maybe you could go over my Daydream story and help me with the titles because I'm really bad wit those as we know hahaha and maybe check for mistakes and rewrite stuff that is heard to read? You don't have to do that though if you wont feel like it. I probably won't show it to anyone so it's just for me. So it doesn't really matter what it looks like x)
Slovenian: I'm really terible at that. haha there's nothing else to say x) And my professor is really scarry. She's small and thin but she gives the vibe like she's one of those teachers from 90s what are gonna send you to sit in the corner if you get something wrong haha. And I always get a tone of homework. So yeah. Not a fan of it haha
Do you give chrismass gifts to your friends? It's kind of a tradition between Audrey, Lisa and me to give each other gifts for christmass but this year we won't be together for christmass (I'll be with my family) so I'm thinking about giving them some little gifts for new year. But I'm broke so they have to be cheap x) do you have any ideas what I could give them? I was thinking maybe I'd bake them some cookies and buy each a mug (and also one for Lucy). and put the cookies in a mug and just wrap it nicely. Any other ideas like that? And I will get Lisa something bisides that since her mom already brought me a lot of arely chrstmass gifts this year. So Lisa loves note books. Se always buys them and says she'll make a diary out of it and then she writes a page or 2 and forgets about it. so I was thinking.. maybe I'd make her a ''guided diary''. But I have no idea how to do that x) help? haha
MY ''FIGHT'' WITH MIA
as you know (haha sorry for that. it must have been confuzing x) Mia and I got into an argument yesterday. It started at about 10pm and ended when I started to talk to you so around 1.30am I think. The neighbours must have been happy for it and could probably hear every word so no one was sleeping that night haha We weren't shouting at each other but the thing is that we both talked at the same time and we wanted another to hear it so we both started to raiz our voices and then were like ''hušš it's midnight'' so we started to talk in a low voice but it didn't stay like that for long haha I have exactly no idea how the hell it even started x) but it started with how she should finish the school and she said she will some day but that she doesn't care for it because she has no idea what she wants to do in her life and I told her to find some hobbies so she can find something she likes to do and then she started to list all the things she doesn't like and I told her she has to find the ones she does and I said she's negative about everything and that she always finds a problem but resists to find a solution and well that's how it got to her telling me stuff that she thought were negative and I had to tell her a positive thing about it but even when I did tell her a positive thing about it she found an argument to those (that's where you joined in haha) and then she fell asleep. And in the morning we told er sister we had an argument and then se said I'm right and then they had the same argument for about half an hour haha
Just thought I'd explain what exactly happened because you seemed confuzed haha
So I've been talking about this for more then a year but we're planing to go to America. We've been talking about going in April. But Mia said she'd like to wait another year because in April next year we'll both be 21 and will be of age there. I'm not a fan of that idea and I don't really know what being 21 would change anything because I don't plan to go to discos or anything like that and she definetly wont go alone + I'll be in college next year so I'd have to fall behind if I'd want to go then. But you said you're not THAT far from Denver but you probably won't be able to go there this year. If I'd go there next year.. would you be able to come for few days? I could ask if you can stay with us?
''Don't be afraid of the future.''
''change the path your life will follow''
''I have found so much beauty in the dark as I have found a lot of horror in the light''
Be strong now, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.