Bri's Blog Page
I can't function and I just don't know what to do. Stay home where I'm safe but get behind and hide? Suck it up and go to school but possibly make myself worse mentally? I've just been "sucking it up". Near the end of school (about two hours before school ends), I just stopped functioning. I was scared of everyone and thing. I got my pills and was practically knocking everything over and just looking like a weirdo. I then went to what my school calls "Student Services" and just sat in a dark room hoping people wouldn't see me or at least just leave me alone. I could tell one of the ladies who worked in there was worried about me.
Suicidal thoughts rushed through my head. It's always temporary and I know I won't do it but, I prefer not daydreaming or seeing flashes of me dead. Thinking deeply about my death, or death in general. Who would want that? My characters aren't here right now and when they are they're freaking out. Scratching, screaming, throwing fists. I can't focus when they do that... I've always been scared of things going to how they were two years ago. You know, "that year". I don't want to lose sleep. I don't want to look sick again. I don't want counselors to follow me around trying to keep me from doing anything they don't like. I don't want people to see me weak. I don't want my friends to constantly worry for me. I don't want people to hurt me. I don't want to go numb.
I don't know what to do, Lara. I think you know how I am... I wouldn't want to tell anyone but, I'm stuck and you're the only one I can trust to help me. I don't see Cynthia for a bit and I'm not sure how Aaron or Jackie would respond.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."