Bri's Blog Page
We talked about serious stuff (self harm, suicidal or negative thoughts) that I could never talk to Cynthia about. I'm so use to joking with her a lot, so becoming serious feels so hard. I actually wanted to avoid it with Dr. Berson but, he was just soaking everything up and having me dig for why I did it, and what was going on in my head. I was shaking a lot but, I knew it was good for me. Cynthia shows emotion which I love about her but I guess it has it's cons. Dr. Berson is very serious (except for small jokes but, he is good about staying on topic) which will have it's cons too. I like having them both because I feel more confortable talking about certain things to each of them.
At one point he asked if I knew why my mom wanted me to see him. I just thought it was because we didn't like my previous psychiatrist (idk what I called her before). That was true but he said my mom also thought I wasn't improving with Cynthia. I explained to him how she's helped and he said we should bring in my mom to discuss this with her. I was hesitant but, he gave me some time and asked if I'd be okay with it and if not, then why. I said that I didn't want to get too off topic but was okay with her coming in. He seemed to finally get it in her head something Cynthia and I have been trying to tell her for months. I guess it comming from two therapist finally did it. I think my mom also isn't very respectful of Cynthia :\
She thinks because I "isolate" myself in my room, I'm depressed and that it's bad for me, blah blah blah. He confirmed what Cynthia and I have been saying this whole time.
1. "Isolating" myself doesn't equal depression
2. (I'm sick of puting quotes so, you get the point) I isolate myself because there's nothing better to do with the family.
3. It's part of my personality. I'm like a cat. Fuck off until I suddenly decide I want to hang out with you then gtfo again. Unless I have some special connection with you (like I do Jackie), that's just how it is. And I don't have that connection with the family and the possibility I will is very small (and not there at all, if you ask me)
4. It's not all my fault. When it comes to this topic, there's nothing wrong with me. A lot of it is actually the family, not all me. Stop placing all the blame on me, shit stain.
Out of all the things; my grades going down, emotional breakdowns, etc, you pick such a stupid topic first? He pointed that out too.
He is muuuuch older but very intellegent and nice.
Well, my left ear is very good :3 I barely hurt to stretch them to the next sizes. My 2nd earlobe piercings are more sensitive so, they're a size behind. I need one more size up on them, then I'm done. My 1st earlobe piercing is at 6g and my second is at 10g (and I want it at 8g).
My right ear isn't doing too great, but it's not horific. It's not like I'll be losing my earlobe, haha. I think I just tore my earlobe a bit when my 1st earlobe piercing was going to 6g. I didn't even know it was that bad at first. I just got it in and left the tappers in while I slept. I felt the pain after the tappers we're through completely and I was like, "Fuck..." I just hopped it would magically be okay somehow. My left ear stung a bit and the right one hurt more than just a sting when I touched it. I thought it might've been bad I left the tappers in and thought it'd feel better to put in tunnels.
(This is random but the plugs are actually more comfortable, but they're not the EXACT same size and the tapers and tunnels so, if the ears are sensitive it might hurt to put them in. But, it's fine when they're healed)
I felt my right ear was wet when I took it out and saw blood on my fingers so, I held tissue to it for a minute. I then cleaned it and am just leaving out the tunnels for however long it takes to heal. Once it does, I'll probably have to start over.
Lesson learned for stretching too quick. It just kinda depends on the ear and person I guess. My left is great but for some reason my right needs more healing time.
Well, I go back on Thursday. I'm probably going to cry Wednesday night, haha. Hopefully the first day back goes okay.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."