Bri's Blog Page
Spirit was pretty long, so I don't care how long it takes for you to respond to either of them. Neither are too urgent, really. Also, I'm really sorry I wasn't able to respond to you :\ Things were just too crazy. Again, really sorry about that.
So I've never really explained my relationships too much.
Well, I feel like if I don't explain it seems like I go from person to person. I don't, trust me. I'm in a relationship right now. I'll be honest, I don't take it super serious. Do I cheat? No. Do I treat her badly? No. I just don't feel "head over heels". My family issues get in the way of my relationships. I've never had a relationship where I was head over heels. Well, not for long. They've either disappeared on me or I just didn't see the spark after a few months. With girls, the spark seems to go because I barely get to actually show her love. I can rarely even say, "I love you", let alone kisses. Only away from my family which, is harder than it seems. If I don't have the right connection with the girl, I still feel awkward to kiss her or show too much affection in public. I care about being judged. If I do have the right connection, I don't care what others think. Guys; I've only really been in one relationship with, and he just left. Since I don't date people who go to the same school as me, it was easier for him to just leave. Plus, he was... Eh, whatever. You get the point.
Well... Like I said, I'm in a relationship right now. You may not get why I am even in the relationship if I don't take it as serious as her. I'd prefer not to explain it. I know I'd be encouraged to just break it off. Idk. Just don't really bother with paying attention to that.. Please.
But, anyways. Sam has contacted me again. She was trying to get me to hangout with her and her friend (not Mary) but, I was with another friend and lied to her because I didn't want her to just say something like, "Oh she can come too!" So, she left that alone. Then she texted me and I didn't really mind. I texted back because I, of course, wouldn't mind being on good-terms with her. She said to me, "If you weren't already in a relationship, would you give me another chance?" I couldn't tell her no... I should've said I'm happy in my relationship right now and didn't want to talk about that. But, my dumbass doesn't say that. I thought it was a chance to ask her about what the hell happened when we dated. I said, "I guess so.. But, what happened last time? And why do you still like me even after all that happened in the past?"
She said something like, "What do you mean? And I like you because you're really kind and caring, and I feel like I could tell you anything." I reminded her of what happened and she said it was because she could only really talk to me using skype and texting, etc, because her family. So, when her phone broke, she was kinda stuck. I have a bit more freedom than her. I didn't really mind all that since I got more understanding. She went in more detail explaining what happened, I didn't put it all because it's not really what the problem is. She's seen me with my girlfriend and I guess she made some assumptions about how long we'll last. Idk. But recently, she thinks that my girlfriend and I will break up soon. She kept saying things like, "I can wait". She sent me a doodle of "Bri + Sam" type of thing. And doodles of my name. Saying, "I know this will make you feel awkward and you have a girlfriend but, I can wait. It's okay."
My girlfriend and I are where we never fight or have any problems with each other. It'd be a friendly breakup unless one of us still liked the other. But, I don't plan to break up with her. I'm okay with kissing her in public and all. She just thinks I'm kinda like how guys are where I try to hide my emotions and shit. She's bisexual so, she knows how guys will do that. I don't know how to tell Sam without her feeling awkward about it. I don't know if I have her "wait" just to see my girlfriend and I won't break up any time soon and kinda lose the idea of that. I think that's the route I'll go but, I thought a second opinion would be good... I just am sick of things being awkward between Sam and I because, I'd actually enjoy us being able to hangout. She doesn't act "lovey-dovey" all the time. Just when she decides to and knows it's a time I wouldn't be too awkward about it. A.k.a., not to my face. Only text. She's only done it two or three times and I think she knows I'm not a huge fan of her doing that. I always change the subject or ignore it.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."