Bri's Blog Page
I still have yet to post about what's basically a bunch of bad news but, I'm happy right now so, I'm going to talk about everything.
Well, I just went clothes shopping with my mom and it was really fun and I got some things I've been wanting for a while. I finally got new shoes and shirts. I might post some pictures. Yesterday my mom also bought the rabbits this edible house. They don't fit so, really, it's just to chew and throw around. Doesn't seem super popular right now... If they don't like it then Nibbles and Alya will. Nibbles and ALya got new bedding. Also when I left to go shopping I accidentally left their cage open but, they were just hanging out in the cage when I got home. I know they must've ran around some but the point is that they came back :3
I also found out I really like Hockey. Jackie invited me to go to a game with her and her family Friday after school. I've just never been into sports so, I just said yes so we could hangout. We got some food and her parents paid so that was awesome of them. The hockey game was free for them for some reason I don't remember so Jackie and I kept joking that I was adopted. Her parents got VIP and her older sister Lina, her younger brother Matthew, and us just had regular seats. But I prefer them so, I didn't mind. We were an hour or two early so, we had lot of options and got good seats. Not too close or too far. We didn't finish the game and we probably had another half hour until it'd be over. Our team had 3 scores and the other team had 6. So we weren't doing too great but it was still a blast. Jackie said I was super pink from being so excited. We'd jump up when they scored and yell when the other team did. I had so much adrenaline and was beyond happy. I forgot about all the crap at school and was focused on the game and everything going on. I liked it so much her parents bought me a beanie. Everyone got something under $20. It was black with a little patch of the hockey team's mascot and name. I wore it all day today while shopping. Matthew got a beanie but it had the team colors on it. Jackie got a puck. Lina got a hair bow with the team colors and her mom got a long sleeve shirt with the mascot on it. I kept hugging her parents and thanking them. They dropped me off at home and I kept going on about how fun it was. My dad was really surprised and happy that there's finally a sport I'll watch with him. He's not into it nearly as much as football but he still enjoys watching it when he's at the actual game. I could watch it on tv but it wouldn't be nearly as much fun. It'd just be something while I did work.
Honestly, I've not really wanted to admit it to anyone but I've been extreamly depressed. I was never someone to ask about the meaning of life but now I have. And it's not good. I went and read something that I wrote about a year ago about what I thought about that. "What is life?"
Here's what it said -
What is life?
I never really asked myself this question, nor did I ever wonder what sex was before I learned. Lots of usual questions you asked as a young kid, I didn't. It would take someone to ask me or tell me their theory to get me to think about it. Luckily there wasn't a weird kid at school or wherever, who asked me about "it". I was where it was nicer and social media wasn't a casual thing for a fellow classmate to have in my elementary school. Middle School, when a bunch of us kids got mixed, then it slowly did as us others got use to it. Basically my point is, I got to be more oblivious and it was my love for the internet that got me to learn. My sister, who grew up the same, didn't care for the internet and finds out from being told by family, friends, or school. Getting to the point, I'll tell you my answer to that popular question at the top there.
"What is life?" - I believe everyone has a reason and they most definitely, can be simple. Making others happy, raising a child, "changing the world!". Anything. Overall, making someone happy is a reason for everyone. It can be yourself, family, friends, strangers... At one point, you will make someone happy, which can be yourself (hopefully others too though). You will be in, and affect someone else's life. Negatively, positively, whatever. Your mother's, father's, friend's, or etc.
No. This isn't the purpose for someone, you, me, whoever. That's something for you to find. Learning who you are and what you want to do with your life. How you want to use your talents, personality, opinions, (etc.) to find who you want to let people know you as and be who/what you are.
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why." ~Mark Twain
Reading that has kinda got me to stop thinking so much but, still. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm tired or because I read that. I've been struggling with self-hatred and I don't use the word hatred loosely. There's when I just feel kinda shitty about myself and then that. I've never really dealt with self hatred. Maybe in "that year" but, I don't really remember. I'm always on edge and can't handle too much or else I have to numb. Aka. Sitting and listening to music or humming to myself while thinking about random things that I forget after 2 seconds. I'm starting to wonder if this year is worse than "that year". But, "that year" I felt everything. All the mental and emotional pain. Now, because of that I've learned how to... what I guess is coping. I was also alone, with no friends. I have Jackie close by my side and I have you too. Not sure if I said this already but I have another maladaptive daydream developing and it's all I think about all the time. I don't see Nicki and Damon as much but I see them after school and just here and there during the day. Since it's still developing, I don't have characters and stories down. But, the point is, it developed naturally. As my mind's way of coping. Not me purposely focusing on making another one like I use to talk about.
But if Cynthia came to me and said, "Why are you depressed?" I wouldn't really know. I have a whole bunch of things I'd come up with in hopes it'd make sense. But I wouldn't be able to say, "Because of..." blah. I'd be like, "Well maybe this or that or possibly this other thing..."
My grade in Dr. Biggs class is a C and I feel pretty sure I'm going to fail my next assignment so, I'll be looking forward to an F in his class and watching me constantly lower his standards for me and see the disappointment in his eyes.
What happened in this next assignment is a long story but basically Lisa did the majority of the work and I feel like shit for it. The one last thing I could help with is performing or doing the "speech". Anyone from the school can come if they want. It's in the library so I will probably end up hiding and reading books. I've been following Dr. Biggs around begging him to somehow find an alternative for me. I will have a plan on what to say but I can't when I face him. I just always want to cry about everything but I can't. I don't even get watery eyes or that heavy feeling. I just feel down and wondering if tears could be like medicine. I've been taking my pills so, I can't just be having a low because I'm not taking them.
I feel sure Lisa is pissed at me and me not being able to preform and hiding, won't help.
Well, I didn't start off the week very good.
I just haven't wanted to talk about this but, last time I went to Youth Group, it was horrid. The topic was why to wait til marriage for sex. I can agree with that. But, it was all the same future. Everyone in the room had the same future ahead... Except me. Everyone was going to marry the opposite gender and have babies. YAY! That shouts me, heh? No... Fuck no! Fuck you. They don't mention gay couples of course... It was weird and unrealistic. They told a story about a boy who heard his classmates talking about how this one guy "got lucky" with a girl and were just bragging. Then they ask if he's a virgin or not. He goes off saying the stereotypical Christian crap. No. NO. No normal Christian guy would say that. Plus, he gave the guys no reason. It was just "because". Oh yeah buddy, they're gonna take you serious. People don't work like that. It was just beyond stupid.
Josh asked what I thought. I told him I wasn't a fan. He asked why... There we're people so, I couldn't go full-on rant. I explain the whole thing about being sensitive to touch. Then I said I didn't like the topic. Couldn't bring up the sexuality thing or that'd get me in shit. I didn't want him to assume I thought you shouldn't wait til marriage. I said I didn't agree with something someone said. "Our purpose it to tell others about God". If we all told each other about God, everyone would know and we'd have no purpose and that'd be it. Logical? Nope. Plus, what kind of fucking purpose is that? If you just want us all to do what you want why give us free will? No. Logic. Then they say God loves everyone but if you do this GO TO HELL! Gay people are horrible! Don't fucking curse for fucks sake! Don't use God's name if vein for Christ's sake! WTF
Long story short, Josh low-key accused me of not being Christian. Thanks asshole. I don't want to go there. I don't like anyone but one person, Theresa, who's like triple my age.. I get annoyed. I have to stay up because OH! homework is still a thing. It's a waste of time. They have this craft fair thing and Theresa is making jewelry for it and wants people to come of course. I'll go to support her because she's been so sweet to me. She didn't judge me and let me do what I pleased. She let me leave early without insisting on an explanation.
I told my mom I didn't want to go to church Sunday or Wednesday. She said I had to start going back to church sometime and I got mad. At one point I made the mistake of saying I want to study other religions. Not because I don't believe in Christianity, but because I want to see. Cynthia has a small Buddha statue and I asked if she's a Buddhist and she said no but she likes a lot of things he teaches. She gave some examples that I agreed with but, I don't remember now. Then her never listening to shit, accuses that Cynthia is pushing me away from Christianity. GREAT. Now she's going to be an even bigger bitch about Cynthia. Idk what to do if she tries taking me from Cynthia. Treat to kill myself if she does? IDK. I'm a bit stuck and desperate.
For Halloween, I bought face paint. They only had shitty paint so, I got the stuff that LOOKED good. But it was absolute shit. You know how that ended up.
So, my mom was driving me to Jackie's house and I was listening to the radio. She suddenly turns down the radio and asks me in different wordings, if I identified as a Christian. Half of me wanted to yell no at her in hopes she'd shut up but that'd be worse. I got very angry and just wanted to get out of the car. But she did this when we were like a fourth way there. She kept touching my hand asking if I love her and saying she loves me and asking how I was and I said I didn't want to talk. Then she asks why. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? WTF. I kept trying to say things to get her to shut up but nothing works. Not even the silent treatment. I wanted to cry and just hide in Jackie's bathroom. I got to Jackie's and my mom even stayed a bit. Ugh ugh ugh. She finally leaves and we take Jackie's brother trick-or-treating. Jackie never even ate any candy and she ends up barfing multiple times. She kept coughing too. SO MUCH. Id didn't know what to do. How could I help? I just let her be and went home when we were done. Jackie couldn't come to school today. I hope she will tomorrow but chances are low.
Today I just felt... bad. I was really depressed and I've been taking my pills regularly so I can't blame them. I just want to stay and be left alone but recently I've kinda just decided I'm going to work for my future to be good. So, if I'm miserable, I won't worry about it as long as my grades are good. Life is going to be a bitch until I'm out of this house.
I'm not sure if I'll want much to do with my mom. Maybe my dad. He's learned that we'll never get along if he just yells at me that he hates who I am. Last big fight we had was "that year" and I was yelling at him that he should've adopted if he wanted to pick his kid and that I know he hates who I am and that he doesn't have to tell me. It was in public too. So that was great. We don't fight like that anymore. He ignores when he doesn't like something about me or he doesn't yell at me and talks to me in a kind but firm voice. We won't be best friends if we live in the same house but if I have my own place, he'd be awesome to have around. Help design areas for my pets. Help paint a room. Etc.
So there were conferences today. My mom, sister, and I went to see all my teachers. It's basically where we see what's up and they can talk about any concerns, etc.
Dr. Biggs, he was very nice and polite but, he was just disappointed... My writing is nothing like it used to be. It's looks like I'm just trying to get by. I won't work with other students. I'm pouting. Assignments are late. My confidence is shit. I over-analyze to the point I can't do things. Etc.
I just went on about how things are just bad. I gave detail. One detail I never realized I was feeling... Because of my anger, my friends are kind of distancing themselves from me. Not a whole lot but, enough that I see it. They sit with me at lunch and everything but, they know something is off and that I'm just angry all the time.
I told him, I know I'm going downhill. I just can't function correctly. Things aren't okay as much as I want them to be. I've numbed in a strange way. It's complicated, please just be patient with me. I think a new daydream is developing. I don't trust people and am just scared. I can't do shit and I feel pathetic.
All that sugar coded and more explained. My teachers now just understand, things are hard right now and I have no fucking clue what to do. But, they can't lighten work or whatever. I didn't expect them to. This means they understand what's up and are very willing to work with me.
I just want to bawl my eyes out but, Idk if I can. I'm caught up with homework but I don't do it the same. I'm not what I used to be. I'm not capable of what I use to be. I'm just making my way downhill into the dumps. I feel pathetic and I just want to lay in bed until things are okay.
So, I'm just going to get through what happened. Honestly, idek what I want to write but, I'll just see what slips out if I type without thinking much.
My dad and I went but my sister didn't because of homework. Honestly, I had lots of homework I needed to get done but, I promised Josh and didn't want to have him searching for me and think I bailed out on him. So, I didn't have someone to guide me thought what exactly to expect and etc. My dad showed me the room his group was in and then walked me back to the gym (yes, our church has a gym. It's weird.) It was like the gym at school but, not all this weird sports equipment and not as nice. There were hoops for basketball and this other game I didn't recognize. It had a big frame that separated to make squares that people would stand in and they were throwing around a ball. I didn't get to observe that much to understand the game. All teens were together and leaders too. All in the gym. The other half of the gym had a curtain and we'd go behind the curtain in Sunday School, or whatever. That's basically where Josh preached. Josh introduced me to a girl who was a year older than me named... I forgot. But she introduced me to a girl Cami, Kalie, Trinity, and Kalie (yes, they had the same names), and these other girls. There was also two girls, Savannah and Lily who we're annoying. I'll explain later. In our group was about 12 girls and 4 leaders. I think. One leader Theresa stuck with me. She was definitely older but, very sweet. She had long, very blonde hair, was wearing a bit of makeup, and pink jewelry she had made. She liked my necklace and asked if I made it. I told her I didn't and she said she made her jewelry so, she always pays attention to people's jewelry. She asked what I liked to do and all that. After Josh made an announcement about upcoming events, we prayed. This was fine but we had to hold hands and I'm sensitive to touch in certain situations. You know my little stress twitches? I tried my best not to do those and I didn't, thankfully. We then went upstairs to a fairly big room. We sat in a circle, some people got chairs, most just sat on the ground. I sat on the ground, Theresa sat in a chair. She said, every month, we bring cake to celebrate people's birthdays who are on that month. So, everyone had chocolate cake except for me who declined the offer. I have a weird fear or anxiety eating in front of people unless I have a friend eating with me. One leader, Amanda, held up a toilet paper roll and said for everyone to take off some toilet paper. However much we wanted. Of course, girls asked about if it was clean and Amanda said it was straight out of the package. People talked about remembering this game. They spoiled it saying, the game was where people would take an amount of toilet paper and had to say an interesting fact about themselves for every piece that they took. I took one piece and placed it away from me. We went in a circle and I said, "Uhm... I have two snakes and two bunnies..(?)" They asked the stereotypical dumb questions like if i kept the snakes around the bunnies and if the snakes would hurt the bunnies and etc. Cause you know, snakes are so horrifically terrible and dangerous. I listened to everyone but, put my head down so that my hair obscured my face a bit. I kept my hands folded and tried not twitching too much but did a few times. I observed the room too. It had all white walls except for the red wall I was facing. It was my favorite shade of red so, I liked it. There were posters and a whiteboard that we didn't use. One leader, I forgot her name, said a story and we all talked about it. Well, not me, of course. It was about change and feeling afraid. I was wearing makeup and kinda caked my foundation on because I knew I'd be nervous and turn very pink without foundation on. And a good amount of it. I did my usual hint of blush, contouring, and highlighting, though. I put some green and brown eyeshadow on. I did my eyebrows but also put some lines in the bald part of my eyebrow using liquid liner. Wasn't sure if I liked that look or not but, I wore it anyways. I still don't know if I like it or not. Then I did mascara but, went ahead and skipped lipstick since my eye makeup was strong. I have some close up pictures of my eye makeup. But anyways, they got onto girls wearing too much makeup and trying to be what they're not. But, what one girl described as a girl who always changed her makeup, it sounded like that girl was just having fun. Girls who insist on wearing makeup everyday and the makeup is always the same, those are the ones who most likely want to change things about them. I always have my eyebrows done but, other than that, I don't always wear makeup. But yeah, that was kind of annoying. Lily (church Lily, not my friend Lily), was annoying because she just loved herself so much. She always wanted the spotlight on her by interrupting people and then talked about how she was popular and adjusted in any school or social situation. She thought she was a funny person too. I just let her think that but in reality, she was obnoxious, not funny. It was annoying to listen to. Savannah, she was just an obnoxious person. Other girls seemed fine but, not like people I'd be good friends with. At the end, we crossed our arms and held hands as we prayed, I held hands with Theresa and Savannah. At the end, you're supposed to turn around so that your arms uncrossed and let go. I tried letting go right after we all said "Amen" bun Savannah squeezed my hand to tell me we weren't done. That's when we did the spinny thing and I went the wrong way and ruined it but, I was just happy not to be holding hands anymore. Then, I want down and sat where it was dark, but with dim lighting. No one was sitting there like me but, people passed through. My dad's class was still going so, that's why I waited there. I just wanted to be left alone. I remembered something that I'll talk about when my laptop battery isn't low... But only one person really acknowledged my presence in there. He was a boy who I think was in the Youth Group thing but, idk for fact. He looked my age though. He smiled at me on his way outside and I smiled back. We both did fake ones. He said Hi to my when he came back in and I said Hi back. He continued to walk to wherever his destination was. Then I heard Josh asking where I was but, I ignored it. One person found me and said my dad was looking for me. So, I ran over to him. Josh asked what I thought about it and I gave a kinda sarcastic smile that said, "I didn't like it but, I don't know how to say that nicely and honestly, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk at all, really." He said, "Is that your nice way of saying you weren't a fan?" I nodded and he said, "Ok, you can just talk to your dad about it. See you Sunday?" I nodded but, if I were honest, I'd have shaken my head.
I told my mom and dad about it but was brief.
Also, with homework, I've stayed up the whole night and still have work. I'll be going to school late too... Life is being a bitch.
To make sure this makes sense (at least a bit), I'm going to explain how my church works first.
So, Sundays, there is "Service" which is like where there's the like... top pastor(..?), and mostly people 18+ are there. He's like who we know as the pastor, but many people do similar work..That's also where we sing the christian songs and get the peaches from the pastor, etc.
Then there's the kids, 4-11 who have their own class where they learn bible stories and do projects. Then 12-17 (I think...) who has the "youth pastor". I've never gotten to know him because I was always with my parents in Service. Last year, I went to "youth group" here and there but, I hated it so, that was near when I said I was done going to church for a while. There's also Wednesday nights where they do youth group, some groups for adults that learn about specific things (idk what), and then the groups for kids. it turns out the youth group pastor has been asking about me since I left church. "Where's Bri?", and she told him I'm guessing so, he'd always ask that I come. Nuh-uh. My mom never told me he asked, I just thought she wanted me to go. Well, recently, my mom has told me he wants me to come to Wednesday nights. Last Sunday, my dad said he'd take me to the movies and get me a coloring book I'd been wanting. Which I ended up getting two but, anyways... This was because Josh, the youth pastor, wanted to talk to me. He did and he basically told me about that and how I've been on his list for a while and he was practically begging I come to Wednesday night. I will. My mom wants me to try a couple times at least. Hopefully he'll pay extra attention to me since I'll probably be awkward and wanting to leave. I won't be trusting anyone. Maybe him a bit because, I kinda have to but, yeah. That'll be fun...
I'll update this later on how it goes. Wish me luck. And sorry I explained so bad, I'm in a hurry to get to bed, tbh x3
Well, I've been needing to update.
So, I don't remember whether I told you or not but, Cynthia...
I had seen her both the 19th and 26th. She's going on a trip so, I won't be seeing her for a bit. I don't remember how long. A few weeks..? Yeah, idk.
So, she actually told me how dangerous it is to just flat out stop taking my pills. It'll make me randomly depressed, irritable and in some cases it's gotten people depressed to the point of suicide. I told her I'd get back to taking them, but I've been horrible about it.
Today we had school off so, my day was filled with sleeping, eating, and youtube videos. Yeah, I'm a really healthy person, I know x3
Aaron and I called and I haven't actually heard his voice for a while. All text really. His voice is different so, I just started cracking up and was the entire call. He didn't warn me so, I couldn't help it. Idek how that happened but, it was hilarious. I felt kinda nauseous though (like, my stomach was just off), so I struggled to talk to him. I just had all these weird brainfarts and was spacing out. I hadn't talked to anyone the whole doy (or it was just brief stuff, like I didn't have an actual conversation that wasn't just text). I told him that there was some shit with my psychiatrist so, he wouldn't ask why I was acting weird. He said I was really quite near the beginning of the call but then he realized I was just trying to hide the fact that I was still laughing at him. We only called for like 10 minutes because his parents were bringing a nice dinner, so we didn't have to deal with my awkwardness too long. But at the same time, I kinda wish we could still talk. I don't really realize that I miss someone so much until I hear their voice. I bet it'll be like that with Jade too. Her and Aaron are the only ones I don't see all the time since we don't go to the same schools. I need to talk to Jade but, honestly, I just don't feel like it. If they contact me, I like it but, I just don't do it if it's up to me. Even seeing that I missed Aaron, I still would need him to start the conversation if he wants to hangout or call.
Welp...(half and hour later)
For some reason I really wanted some alcohol but, not just flat out wine or something, So, I had a pina colada with whiskey. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be rum but, I couldn't find it and was too lazy. Most people would find that gross but, I didn't mind it. It was actually quite good but, I only put a little. I do feel a small buzz but, I act normal. I sneaked it without anyone knowing and my sister didn't notice at all. The only way someone would know is my breath. I tried just taking a shot of whiskey but, holy shit...Not the best idea for a newb to alcohol. But at the same time, I'd do it again if I was with friends. But yeah... I feel like barfing so, I'll continue this later. If I remember what I was going to say...
Something to do with pets.
Ok... I know this is small but, I'm a very short tempered person... I've been having a hard time lately so, my anger is really bad and I need to keep myself out of trouble. Plus, I'm just physical. Like, if someone does something and I already hate them, I'm not going to want to talk, I'll want to punch them in the damn face.
Well, there's these two sisters and I'm ready the kick their asses. I just don't like being disrespected or treated like I'm less than someone else. So, we'll call them Andrea, and Jamie. BOTH have just fucking put tape on my back. The first time, I can deal with. Well, actually I was quite pissed but, not as. Like, it didn't say anything, it's like she just didn't want it so, "Oh, well, I'll just put it on this loser's back." Then her sister did too and she put it in my fucking hair. My hair is almost to my ass so, it's annoying enough as it is so, if you pull shit like that, I'm gonna be ready to rip your hair out. Andrea I kinda know and she did it first. I felt her touch my back and I know she's a piece of shit so, I reached back and was right that she put something on my back. That was near a month or two back so, I let it go. Well, today Jamie did that. But, the tape didn't look like it was even used so, half of me wonders if she remembered Andrea doing it and had a roll of tape with her... Idk but I'm mad. Jackie said she put it on my back and ran. So, Jackie couldn't just point her out and me yank her over. She's tiny, and so is Andrea. Like seriously, I could shove them in a locker if I was in a hurry. If I were to get in someone's face, I'd pick Andrea first but, idk. I just want them to take me serious when I say that I will get physical if they have the guts to do it again. I don't know Jamie. Like seriously, never met her. But, she's decided she wants to meet me so, we can definitely arrange that.
I need help on how to handle this or I'll just get myself in more shit and this first quarter of school already sucked. I was offered to just fill out a report and then it'd go to the vice principal and etc. I feel like that'd be loser thing to do. Like, if I go to the principal, they'd leave me alone because they don't want to deal with the principal. If I confront them and it goes my way, they'll leave me alone because they want to stay pretty. Plus, it'd be nice to see them have a mini shock of fear when I look at them. I'm so sick of being treated so crappy at this stupid fucking school. I'm just over it.
But, I can't. I haven't even been taking my pills and, I can't cry. I just whimper and struggle to breath while trying to get myself to just let it out. Just let the anger and frustration escape through my tears. Why can't I cry? It doesn't make sense. I haven't been taking my pills for days and I can't cry.
I feel like crying for the smallest things because I'm holding so much in, everything feels like it's going to break me. I can't handle anything. Shiloh shit on me and I started doing the weird whimper/sobbing shit and keeping myself from hurting her in the slightest way. "Just gently pick her up, pet her, put her in her terrarium and remind yourself not to hurt what you love."
Even if I wanted to give myself time to heal whatever has me wounded, and take a break from school or something my mother won't let me. There's no way. Plus, she just makes it worse too. It's my birthday and she's yelled at me multiple times. Yelled at me at the party, and my actual birthday. Ask to miss school, up my pills, anything like that..? I don't have to guts to do right now. I have a big-ish assignment from Dr.Biggs and Idk how I'm going to get myself to do it. Even if I do, I'd have no clue what to do. And it's not like writing where you can help me. It's about something we've been studying. He's already giving me an "extension" where he's giving me extra time. He's given me 6 days which is already insane. He also isn't making me get in front of the class. He said he'd give me the extension if I gave a good product. He knows I usually would. Usually. I feel like such a piece of shit. I broke a glass bottle today and something told me to keep one of the glass pieces and I washed it then hid it in a towel. I think I know why I kept it now. I'll do my best to stay away from it but, for some reason I can't throw it away.
I'm sick of being like this because I want to be able to support you and help Aaron and just things be okay for everyone. I'm just angry all the time and quick to have random breakdowns. I have a great chance to be doing so well in school but, I'm ruining it for myself. Things could be perfect right now. I have my pets I love. School is giving me this big chance of being goodin math and spanish, unlike last year.
I can see I'm over-eating too. Nicki and Damon are gone right now. This is weird but, I can't help but wish I could hug one of them right now. Or just have a real hug. You know those hugs where you can feel someone's warmth and it's like everything just feels okay? I don't think I've even felt one but, know what it is.
So, my mom surprisingly bought Shiloh a heating pad and Shiloh seems a lot more comfy and happy in her terrarium. Also, I have two new bunnies. There's Vertigo, a neutered boy and who I think I'll name Haven who is a spayed female. They're bonded so, I didn't want to split them. Haven's age is unknown because she was found abandoned, but they guessed 4-5 years old. Vertigo is 8-9 months old. Vertigo is the black and white bunny and Haven is completely black.
I got them Sunday (Sept. 25) so, I've had them less than a week. Haven seems to be trusting me and Vertigo is still in the process. I think I'll be able to bond with them in a few days.
Lately I've just been irritable with people. Idk why. My birthday party is tomorrow but my actual birthday is October 2. So, hopefully, I won't get grumpy or anything... It's just a simple party. It's the kind that's like my family's go-to if a party was badly planned. Lily is getting me some gifts for Haven and Vertigo. I'll show you when I get them. They sounded really cool when she explained them. Her and I are getting along perfectly... Maybe last year we just weren't use to being around each other so much. We went from rarely seeing one another to being together everyday. Or she just had a hard year last year and now things have settled down for her.
Aaron seems a bit more normal. One day he was clearly bummed out and I asked if he was okay he just said, "No" and stopped answering. I made it obvious I was worried about him and he apologized and said it was just drama and that everything is good now. I asked about whether he asked the girl out or not and he said, "Yeah, let's not stay on that subject. Things didn't go bad, they just went weird." I asked for details but, he had done 6 hours of homework and was exhausted. He goes to this fancy school so, I'm not surprised with the homework thing... I would've died in two days if homework was that bad for me. He said he'd talk to me today (which was tomorrow at the time) and give some more info. I just got a better feeling from him. I hope things can slowly get back to normal, or close to how things were.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."