OK ok ok... I need to stop just making post after post. But it's like every time I make a post, by time I can respond more things have happened. We have Thanksgiving Break now so, I will be able to respond. I have this week off from school. If you still have the same questions that you asked before, just ask again.
So, this big situation happened. It doesn't seem too big anymore but, it still kinda sucks.
Well, I'm going to start with the situation with Lisa.. Oh also, I recently remember I first called Lisa, Addison. Honestly I like Addison more for her. Plus it'd be less confusing with your friend Lisa. I'm going to call her Addison for now on in this post but if it's confusing to you I'll go back to calling her Lisa.
So, it was Friday that this all happened. It was November 4th. It was presenting day for the project and it was where staff members and students would walk in whenever and look around and listen to your presentation and all. Really, Addison built it as her's. She has only a script for her and really there was nothing I could help with other than setting up. Dr. Biggs asked what I helped with probably because he knew about the trip since we asked for an extension (he said no). So, I told him I helped with research. He said it wasn't enough to be able to get 100% He wanted me to get it done over the weekend and maybe work on it some Monday. So, it was Addison's project which I'd get no credit for and then I'd have to make my own in three days. I already wanted to leave because Addison was being bitchy and was annoying me. But that made me snap. I'd been REALLY on edge all week. There was no such thing as a good day. Just "crappy", "absolute shit", and "Fuck this". So, I said I needed to go to what they call "Student Services" which is where the school counselors are and he let me. I told a lady I just needed a room to cry in and be left alone so, she'd make sure nobody came in. I cried and I felt all the pain that my mind had numbed. I was suicidal and couldn't stand my own existence. I asked if I could call my mother and the lady said yes. Sometimes I call her to encourage me to get through the day but then there are times like this where I needed to go home. I told my mom and she said she'd be on her way. Every grade has their own counselor and we'll call my grade's counselor Melissa. Melissa told me that I'd need to talk to her or go back to class. I told her that everything to do with home or my own mental stuff, I wanted to keep to myself but I told her about the whole thing with Addison and Dr. Biggs. She basically said it'd be fine and sent me back to class. I didn't want to tell her I was going home because she'd bitch about missing too much school. I was breaking down and my decisions weren't the best. Jackie and my locker are near our guitar class and we were in guitar class so she saw me and came over. I was packing my backpack and Jackie knew I was a mess so we talked a bit and then I went where I'd be picked up. I thought my mom was going to be there any minute as it had been like 15 minutes. I was with Melissa for 10 minutes and packed for about 5. My mom still wasn't there for a while so I called her and she said she'd be there as soon as possible. She came and she said she called Melissa to tell her to keep me there but Melissa said she'd sent me to class already and my mom said she'd be there at my lunch time to check on me. Also, at one point when panicking I asked for Jackie but they said they couldn't pull her because she was in a core class. She was in science and they were doing a big project so, I understood that. After science ended she saw that there was none of my stuff in our locker and that I wasn't in guitar, so she knew I was there. Jackie said she asked if I was there and Melissa said I wasn't. But when Melissa told me Jackie came in she said she told her I was there and that I'd be fine. So, my mom picked me up but then Melissa emailed my mom. She marked me as Truant which means I skipped class and then marked me as Ill for the rest of school after my mom picked me up. She also wanted me to have an "escort". She wasn't specific so we thought she wanted me to have an escort everywhere I go when she meant just out of Student Services. So, my dad was pissed and just wanted me to move schools as he was sick of the shit. My mom said no because it'd be hard for obvious reasons. Every grade also has their own vice principal but we all have the same principal. We'll call my vice principal, Teri. My principal, Teri and my mom talked then Teri, my principal and I talked. They really pissed me off. Then Teri told me I'd have to have detention with her. I got mad and was being a bit rude. She made it seem like a punishment but really she wanted to ask me questions to get to know me. But what kinda annoyed me was that she had let another girl wait with her. It wasn't planned. So of course we couldn't talk and I just studied my spanish. The girl was nice and all but that was just a waste of my time. She told me before it'd be and hour and a half but then that girl was there for an hour. We got it down that I freak out about be controlled or feeling trapped and needed a certain amount of my freedom.
Melissa seems to have shut up about the "escort" idea so I think Teri told her it was a bad idea. For me, you have to let me make my mistakes and then let me learn from them. The escort thing would just have me pissed off. I still haven't done the project and I will get it done now.
Also, Jackie thought that Addison had said to Dr. Biggs that I did nothing, or something like that. Jackie doesn't like Addison so she thinks Addison is an asshole who'd do something like that. I texted her saying, "Hey Addison. Just be honest with me. Did you say something to Dr. Biggs? I understand if the whole situation made you mad or something but you could've said something to me." She said she didn't and asked what happened. I'm guessing Dr. Biggs didn't talk to her. Jackie said she kept looking over where Jackie, Emily and I usually sit, at lunch. And she had what Jackie called a guilty expression on her face. I think she was just kinda worried about what happened to me. I know exactly what look Jackie is talking about because I've seen Addison do it a lot. But ever since all of this, things have been super awkward between Addison and I. We use to sit together before Dr. Biggs moved people around. He moved people because these kids would be super obnoxious every class. But anyways, when we were still sitting together, one day she had kept repeating that she didn't say anything and I told her it was fine and that I believed her. I think things are awkward because our friendship was based on humor and with me so angry all the time, it's hard for things to be normal. Plus she probably thinks I hate her now or something. She's with the popular, dramatic, drama-causing kids so, of course she'd think that. Half of me thinks I need to text her that I'm not mad at her or whatever and kinda explain briefly.
My mom has called a psychiatrist who will be like a therapist and someone who prescribes pills. So then he will actually know me and what I need. I'm happy that I can finally get my pills fixed. I do have to wait until I talk to Cynthia about it because the psychiatrist wants to see what she thinks. Another plus. A psychiatrist who actually respects my therapist. I've been super angry all of november and have had to cake on foundation because I turn very pink when I'm mad. I don't just want to be pink all day. I feel really shitty because I'm doing terrible in school. The only classes I'm good in are Spanish, Science, and guitar. My grades are : F, B, F, D-, D+, B, B+, and A+
My mom is always nagging about them.
Anyways, I bought Haven and Vertigo some treats. Vertigo absolutely loves them and I'm not sure if Haven does. I tried to give them some last night but they were in their cage. Haven ran out but only sniffed them. I just put two in a bowl and hoped they'd be gone in the morning. They were. Then this morning I offered Vertigo a treat since he didn't run from me and let me pet him and he ate it from my hand very happily. I'm struggling to get them where they like me so I'm thinking I'll bring them a carrot or some type of treat when I see them. Then give them a treat when they stay. Like with Vertigo. Haven ran out after me calling her for a bit and she sniffed it but then Vertigo clearly really wanted it so, I gave it to him. I will try to get her to eat out of my hand later.
I let Nibbles and Alya run around my bed a lot and lately have been giving them any leftover food, haha. Nibbles has learned to run over when I call for him because it usually means food. One issue. When I'm doing homework Nibbles will chew on my paper. Or when I'm paying my guitar he will chew my book or guitar case. There's a reason he was named Nibbles, haha. Any ideas for how to keep him from doing that? Sometimes I give him something else to chew or move him away but he doesn't seem to be catching on. He's not the smartest of rats.
Also, the bunnies didn't care for the edible house so now it's Nibbles and he's been chewing it a lot. He chewed it ALL THE TIME when I first gave it to him but he doesn't as much anymore. He still likes it though and Alya just likes it as a hideout.
I know there was something else I wanted to talk about but can't remember it at the moment. I'll just update this when I remember. Oh and do you still want me to comment on your posts or is it no longer very relevant? Maybe you could do a big update post kinda like this so things make more sense for us, or me at least x3 Even if you're just repeating a bunch.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."