Bri's Blog Page
Well, this all started in gym class... So, you can have an idea what the fuck I'm talking about, here's a simplified diagram of the gym setup. The "Gym" is a lot bigger but, I'm lazy.
So, Jackie and I were "playing hockey". Really we were just smacking a puck around and knocking each other over. But, then we got an idea for a game... So, we went in the left hall and would act like we were casually just passing the puck. But, whenever someone walked in the front part or the enterence of the hall we'd dramatically throw our sticks down, act pissed off and hide near the supply room, so they couldn't see us cracking up. Lot's of people went there since there was a water fountain. Yeah, you can see what fucking dumbasses we are, haha. So, there was a boy we nicknamed Chickin Nugget (it's a long story, haha). So we'll call him Nugget. So, Nugget would just be a turd but trying to steal out puck and sticks. At one point when he actually got the puck, I chased him and he throw it up on the bleachers that looks something like this when it was "closed" (http://i00.i.aliimg.com/photo/v0/60118310502_1/2014_popular_soft_telescopic_bleachers_for_school.jpg) They're electronic so, they can "unfold" and it be like normal bleachers or go in and be like that. So, I couldn't get the puck unless I went to an area of the bleachers that I could climb. There was a boy on there who I knew and he was always very polite to me. I asked for him to give it to me which he did even though Nugget said not to. "Heh! He's on my side" I chanted running of with the puck. So, Jackie and I continued. Also, another boy who'll I'll call... Jason (tbh Idk his actual name). I think Jason caught on to our game and would come over yelling not to abuse the sticks and puck. Him and I got in a war with making one of me weird "squeek" sounds I always make. I think Jason is a cool guy but, he is friends with a guy who is just simply and asshole. His name is Ricky. Jackie has gotten in a physical fight with him 2 times because he said something rude to her. I know the first time was because they were partnered up and she told him to finish his work because he was goofing off and he said, "Shut up, fatass". So, she tried her best to pin him down and get as many punches as she could. He'd squerm a lot though and she said his punches hurt pretty bad since his' practically just bone with a thin layer of skin. But her pain tolerance isn't as hard as mine. So, he has some type of mental issues. I don't really know much but Jackie does because she's dealt with him. He has a lady who always walks him every where. Jackie said he likes to punch people. He's also just fucking rude. Obviously, I didn't trust him and kept my distance but, I wasn't scared of him either. He's a loser. And that's coming from me... At one point, he took Jackie's stick that was on the ground and I was happy and hyper so, I chased him thinking it was all a joke. He through it saying, "Yeet!" and I got it. Later when everyone was going in the lockers, Jackie and I hid in the supply room. The right side was unlocked, the left was locked. We went in though the right side and Jackie said to get out though the left. But then we noticed the boys were going in and we didn't want to see that. Ricky ran towards us and I shut the door. He banged on it like he was pissed. I thought it was funny thinking it was all a joke. But then, we noticed he was ACTUALLY angry. The banging stoped so I ran to the left side and leaned on the door. I've gained lots of weight so, I felt confident in him not getting in. The one time I'm thankful for my weight gain, haha. So, I though he was saying something like, "Let me in piggy" but Jackie said it was "Let me in you little bitch". Half of me wished I let him in so I could have an excuse to use this kid as my punching bag. But insticts and protecting Jackie told me no and I followed that. Jackie was legit scared but at the same confident since I was there. She knows I'mpractically the female Hulk so, she's not so worried with me there. I was still giggling at him. I didn't have the bg rush of adrenaline. I knew he was really pissed but at the same time I was oblivious. I didn't get his goal or whatever. Jackie explained later. She said he was mad since we got to be in the supply room and he didn't... Or something like that. It reminded me of when my sister would chase me when I was little and I'd scream and hide, trying to hide from her hitting me. We called it the "mood". My parent almost started to ignore it because it happened everyday. It was just when they got annoyed with my screaming and crying that they spank her or hold her down. I didn't have a lock on my door so, I stole wood that'd hold the door knob. KInda like this (http://static1.fjcdn.com/comments/How+about+taking+that+chair+and+propping+it+up+against+_0245d192dbbfcffaa8a5cd77d03d39c2.png)
but with a wooden board I'd taken from my dad's garage. I don't really remember it much. I just remeber it was painful and ignored then soon thought as regular.
So, this disturbed me for my last class that was after gym. Math. We had a quiz and I had a pretty hard time... Couldn't focus for shit.
But after school Jackie invited me to a Chirstmas Party. I went and was really happy. Not as happy as I was at the soccer game but, definitely happy. I was alowed to take some leftovers. I took maccaroni & cheese, and rice krispies.
When I got home, my sister stared at the rice krispies. I had four little ones. I told her I'd be keeping them to myself. The reason was that when I felt down I'd take a little piece and feel better. You know how smells can make you remember something? It was like that or me, I guess. Because the rice krispies had green, red, and white sprincles and a taste I didn't have often. So, I'd remeber the chrismas and how happy I was. Like when I wear the hockey beanie I am just happier. I'll probably be like that with the globe necklace when I get it. I'll try this weekend, btw. But the point is, it meant more to me than you'd think. I know it's kinda dumb but, hopefully you kinda see what I mean. You already know about the whole kicking and banging on her door.
She told my mom and my mom, I think, took my side in the end. She said she'd talk to my sister. My dad either doesn't know or just doen't want to deal with it. I was nice and happy with him. He offered me pizza but I told him I already ate with Jackie and he could just enjoy the extra slice. Then he helped me with homework which I think he was just happy to hangout. If he went to question me about a topic filled with anger, I'd start yelling and no longer he his happy daughter. I know he misses when I was happy. I'm starting to cry thinkng about it.
I'd always go every where with him happily. I'd buy tools with him and he'd buy something we could build together. I'd always watch movies with him even though I had no clue what was happening. When my mom and sister wouldn't go with him, I always did. He always held or hugged my in pictures. I was always his little girl. We listened to rock music together while my mom and sister only liked country. I'd do my best to help him cook even though I was too short to reach anything. He'd always get me necklaces, dresses, and pretty accesories like a hat I wore everyday to church. He;d always bring me something and I loved everything he brought.
Then my sister started sport and I became depressed and angry. I know I'm not his girl anymore. I'm a girl my mom stuggles to take care of and a girl with problems that he wished would go away.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."