So there were conferences today. My mom, sister, and I went to see all my teachers. It's basically where we see what's up and they can talk about any concerns, etc.
Dr. Biggs, he was very nice and polite but, he was just disappointed... My writing is nothing like it used to be. It's looks like I'm just trying to get by. I won't work with other students. I'm pouting. Assignments are late. My confidence is shit. I over-analyze to the point I can't do things. Etc.
I just went on about how things are just bad. I gave detail. One detail I never realized I was feeling... Because of my anger, my friends are kind of distancing themselves from me. Not a whole lot but, enough that I see it. They sit with me at lunch and everything but, they know something is off and that I'm just angry all the time.
I told him, I know I'm going downhill. I just can't function correctly. Things aren't okay as much as I want them to be. I've numbed in a strange way. It's complicated, please just be patient with me. I think a new daydream is developing. I don't trust people and am just scared. I can't do shit and I feel pathetic.
All that sugar coded and more explained. My teachers now just understand, things are hard right now and I have no fucking clue what to do. But, they can't lighten work or whatever. I didn't expect them to. This means they understand what's up and are very willing to work with me.
I just want to bawl my eyes out but, Idk if I can. I'm caught up with homework but I don't do it the same. I'm not what I used to be. I'm not capable of what I use to be. I'm just making my way downhill into the dumps. I feel pathetic and I just want to lay in bed until things are okay.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."