So, I will be getting a corn snake on June 18, Saturday morning. I was planning to get both the corn snake and the tarantula but... Well, it didn't go so well.
I live with my parents (of course) so, I have to have permission to do certain things. I wanted a snake since 4th grade but, my mom always told me there was no way. So, I never thought about it. Suddenly, I just really wanted a snake and/or tarantula. I researched it and found an offer for a corn snake and all of it's accessories (water bowl, cage/tank, lamp, etc) and another for a tarantula and all it's accessories (water bowl, terrarium, etc). I researched both animals. They were perfect for me.
I asked a friend about it and he was able to answer every question very well. I talked to my dad about it and he said yes, as long as my mom was okay with it also. So, now was time to talk to my mom.
At first I explained everything like I did to my dad. She didn't say anything. Then I asked if it was a yes or no. She said no. Only because she didn't want it. I told her she didn't have to touch it, or have anything to do with it. I just needed her permission to have the snake. She just left. I cried and I guess her or my sister heard me. She came back and was very belittling, making me feel like a freak. It took hours for her to leave. I was doing my best to hide my panicking and anger. I know she would've just yelled at me more. She kept yelling at me so much and... all this for a fucking snake. I'm going to struggle feeling comfortable around her. Whenever I showed a sign of thankfulness or happiness she yelled at me more. It was all her just being angry at me and etc... I don't like living here. I feel like a fucking freak.
In the end, I got the snake. It's the only thing preventing any suicidal thoughts. I know I wouldn't do it, but I'd think about it.
I've been taking my pills like I should but, I still feel depressed. I don't want to admit it to anyone but, i need help.
Less shitty topic... I need help finding a name. I'm just going to assume it's a boy. I was panicking too bad to ask.
First two names I like that don't have a meaning I know of, are, Jasper and Beck. Another is Zeppelin which was a blimp like military flying attacker. Here's a list of other names I've gathered. I put the name and it's meaning.
Maitri - special kind of magic
Merak - curious one
Miran - peaceful one
Modigy - Brave
Nakota - friend
Panya - cherished
Pavaki - purity
Qadir - capable one
Rukundo - victory
Shaiwase - good luck
Shani - marvelous
Speire - sky
Taij - light
Tejomur - made of light
Teman - friend
Tsering - long life
Tursam - lucky
Velyo - great
Vrstan - excellent one
Zarevo - beautiful red glow in the sky
Zhenni - integrity
*A few hours later*
I was going up stairs, originally to grab my hoodie to hide my self-harm. I self harmed because the feeling wouldn't go away. After, I felt better. Much better. I wrapped tape around the worst areas, just just in case my sleeve got lifted or something. I went up stairs and heard my dad and my mom. I thought I'd just blur everything previous out and start the morning off happy. I was ready to walk up and make breakfast for everyone. Nope. I heard them talking negatively about me and I immediately when downstairs before I could hear anymore.
I hate it here.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."