Bri's Blog Page
So, I've already told some of these but some not in much detail at all. If it's the same, I'll probably copy paste but might add details and change the name to their real name. I won't change their name if you already know them as something too well (like Jackie, Emily, Jess, etc).Most of this won't be in order...
I was really little. She was one of my first best friends. Her and another girl Karla.
My sister was probably around ten years old. Nella was at our house. I don't remember what we were playing but, at one point my sister got her interested in something else. I waited for a little while until I got impatient and asked for Nella to play something else with me. She didn't. I had what was actually an anxiety attack. I was in my parents room on the ground breathing really hard and crying. Because of that, I must've had abandonment issues prior to this.
I was in first or second grade and I was like the smartest kid in class. My mom always focused on teaching me spelling, math, etc. I loved learning and was actually jealous of my sister who got to learn things before me, but hated it. I've always wished we could switch times of birth. Even then. I was finally learning and so happy. Then, my parents found out that my sister was dyslexic. This was okay, but she needed extra help. My mom would spend hours helping her with work I could've done in 20 minutes. I was now doing homework on my own and my grades dropped. Luckily, I got use to it. I'm actually now very independent with work because of that.
This one isn't specific. Every birthday I had, spotlight was on my sister. I never had a single friend who paid attention to me. My sister was always better than me. This even happens now sometimes. But, Jackie and Emily always stick with me like glue. Most of my friends do actually. But there's always a few who don't but it doesn't bother me so much because I don't feel so alone.
He was my best friend for two years. He and another girl named Keira. They were both my friends but we all got along. But then she moved and Nic and I didn't have any classes together. He and Keira always distracted me from any issues. I lost my bestfriends and became really depressed. I'd also changed over the summer. Our friendship had noooo hope. We became too different.
I still go to school with him. He hasn't changed a bit and I'm no where near the same person. I feel really bad about it sometimes :\
Zack had a girlfriend when I first met him. Something happened that he wouldn't talk to me about with her... I knew she broke up with him but, the story, I didn't. Zack was very depressed and I always tried my best to help him. After a while, I just couldn't. I didn't know what to do. It just got worse. He then one day came to me happy. I was excited that he was better... Zack now had a boyfriend. I didn't know what his sexuality was, so I was somewhat surprised. I didn't really care about that, though. I was worried about another bad breakup. Basically we argued and he decided he wanted nothing to do with me.
We talked for years and he helped me through really shitty times. Chase started talking to me less regularly but, I just excused it. Just school, I guessed. He would disappear for long periods of time, just to return. But, one "long period" was him actually just being gone. Like two years later he returned but was different and we didn't connect at all. I don't know what happened to him.
He actually returned again. I asked what happened and he said he was "too mature for me". Or something weird like that. I don't think he'll return again and I'm hoping he doesn't. He seems like he's turned into a weirdo. I think he might've gotten into drugs.
Parker was actually in a different state. We'd talk every here and there. I'd talk to him about emotional struggles sometimes because, I knew he couldn't tell anyone. But we mostly played games together. He also beatboxed and whenever I wouldn't answer to something or would "be in the zone", he'd start beatboxing my name, haha. But yeah, he randomly stoped answering messages. Haven't talked to him in.. Idek, 2 years..?
Jess: (part one)
So, this story gets complicated. I'd need to read my old diary to know details but I just might've thrown it out...
Her and I would constantly fight over stupid shit. Something got us in a huge fight. I became friends with a girl who was basically her enemy, Emma. Emma-ny, hehe. Ok, I'm sorry. I tried constantly for them to make up. They'd just kinda deal with each other. Jess broke her arm and suddenly she just started to act different. Emma started hanging out with other people and I didn't care for them so, I started hanging out with other girls. Fiona, Madison, and Sidney. At first, it was just Jess, Fiona, and I. Jess didn't like her and said she felt like the third wheel. I couldn't just tell Fiona to fuck off so, I didn't do anything about it. She decided to leave and went with the popular group and it annoyed Emma and I how she was acting. Well, actually, I think it annoyed me but Emma used it as a reason to have me turn on Jess (they hated each other that much that their only goal was to hurt the other). Emma didn't even hang out with jess, Fiona and I so, she had no reason to even care, really. Jess became friends with this girl Ari and would always try rubbing it in my face that Ari was her best friend. Jess and I had another huge fight and ignored eachother. The summer, Emma and I hung out, but Jess and I never spoke a word to each other. So, Jess and I turned on each other, and Emma and I would gossip about Jess. This was during "that year" so, my decisions were horrible. No rumors were spread though. We'd just be mean girls behind her back. It was fucked up, I know. This continued the next school year.
Idek what happened. She just stopped answering. But, she had a bad personality so, I'm not sad about it anymore. I never had to guts to approch her at school but now we're at different school so, I don't have to deal with her anymore.
Jess: (part two)
I relized that what I was doing was really wrong. I called Jess and apologized about everything and asked if we could basically make up. Jess said she didn't want to talk anymore. I tried constantly to reach out to her. A lady who was very big in my life, Betty, was just honest with me. She just gave me a big dose of reality. But then, I got random hatred towards Jess. I felt hurt. I hung out with Fiona's group but then she moved and I hung out with a girl Ashley's group. Well, I tried anyways. The other girls decided they didn't like me. But then one of their "group members" left and suddenly the other girl welcomed me in. Her and I were in this club together and she decided she liked me. So, Jess and I never talked that year. Last year and this year, I can tell she wants to kinda fix things. Remember when I invited her to go to the mall with me and planned to talk about all this, but the mall closed? Should I try again or leave things be? The thing about Jess that worries me is that her style changes so much. Like she doesn't know who she is. I'm not sure if I want to get caught up in that. But, what if she now knows who she is now? She seems way less dramatic. Like she's kinda figured things out like I have. But maybe I need to be honest with her and might just even ask her about that too.
Sam and Mary:
Tbh, I just don't want to edit this. I think you know the whole story with that shit.
Sam, I was closest with, but Mary was her best friend and us two got along so, I talked to Mary every here and there. It turned out, Sam had a crush on me. She admitted it while I was with my, at the time girlfriend so, I just politely said that I was in a relationship. Then, my girlfriend and I were having issues and she again said, she liked me. I told her the same thing and that my girlfriend and I were just on a break. Then, I broke it off with, my at the time girlfriend. Sam, again asked. I said yes. Sam then, stopped talking to me after a few months of me saying yes to dating her. I didn't know what happened. I just decided she and I were done since she just left me. A few months later I found myself in a relationship. Sam found out and was pissed. I reminded her about how she just left. She said it was because her parents didn't know and it was "against her religion." I was mad at her, telling her she shouldn't have asked in the first place then. In the end, Sam and Mary stopped talking to me because I apparently "broke Sam's heart".
You know Alex from DFT.com? Well, before you came on, he was like the happiest person ever. He responded to everyone's posts. And I mean EVERYONE'S. But then, I guess depression hit him and he wasn't the same after that.
Besty is my sister. Well, you know her name now, haha. Idk how I've talked about her so much with her just being "my sister".
Believe it or not, her and I use to be like best friends. Well, kinda... I just kinda ignored things as I was a little kid but I guess the anger built up.
I don't want to do detail on this but, she'd lie A LOT. I remeber my dad had these army men. A shit ton. He had them since he was a kid. You could see some where he put "battle wounds" like bullet shots using red paint. I think one guy even lost a head... But anyways, they were really nice. I was known as the girly girl and my sister the tomboy. I actually really liked "boy toys" too but my sister never let me touch them. She lied that my dad said I couldn't play with the army men. I believed this for years when one day I came to my dad crying asking why I couldn't play with the army men or legos (she'd lie about those too) and he was just really confused.
My parents never punished her. But if you were to reverse it, I'd get punished a lot. If I lied like she did, I'd have one bruised ass (my parents punnished my spanking when we were kids (it was only like one slap but, my sister lied a lot so, 1 slap per lie and 1,000 lies... You do the math)).
I've mentioned this before. She use to hit me a lot. I'd sometimes accidentally bump her or something like that and she'd elbow me in the jaw. I got elbowed a lot and, idk if you've been elbowed before, but it hurts. She'd punch me, kick me. I'd get cornered a lot. She'd randomly decide it was funny to wrestle me too. I don't remember it hurting that much though unless she'd pin me in uncomfortable postitions or pin my face to the ground.
I've mentioned this before too. Hopefully you remember it too because I don't want type it up.
Those are all the big ones. The ones that really stick in my mind.
I think Jess and Parker kinda affected me worst when it comes to what I was talking about on the "Aaron" post.
"Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that's okay."